Our Very Own Purse Secret: Part II

[candypants1100]

secret Sender did not say whether s/he would like feedback

i go to a large university and have no friends. My high school friends kind of have the idea that I don't like my school, but I don't think they have any idea how miserable I am. No one has really asked.

Some of my friends who have known me for years don't know that my father has passed away. Or if they do know, they have never reached out to me.

I have had insecurities about my body for about 6 years. I am so tired with it. It doesn't help that so many of my peers have these issues and some even had EDs. I admire them for being able to control themselves for so long.

I see my life as one broken dream.

I don't want/need to go back to my job, but I am.

I think I have major problems, but no one takes them seriously

[candypants1100]

Secret
Well, this is not a secret, but I'm looking for advice.

I've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now. First year was really great and we were really happy. Beginning of 2nd year was rough. I met his parents on his brother's graduation day. Everything was still okay until when they went on a family trip. My boyfriend called me several times a day because he knew I'm gonna be lonely and we used to call each other several times a day. His mom did not like it and was really mad at him throughout the rest of the trip. She refused to go anywhere and only wanted to stay at the hotel. My BF felt guilty and he said sorry to his mom and he told her he would not call me that often. But his mom just can't stop being mad. She still refused to talk to him and told him that he's not grateful of what his mom had given him all this time and instead choosing me over her.

Since then, our relationship is on a rocky road. We were rarely arguing during our 1st year and after his family trip we always argue about his family. I also hate his brother and his dad is not much of a help either. It's just seem like they all jealous because my BF loves to spend more time with me than with them. There are times that his mom would call him and yell at him saying he's being an ungrateful child and he has changed so much after he has a girlfriend. She also told him why he never talked to her or asked her opinions about anything. In the end of their conversation, his mom would always bring up "because you have a girlfriend" or "since you have a girlfriend". My BF once asked her "are you jealous with her(me in this case)?" and his mom just hang up on him.

If you were me, what would you do? My BF is not a child anymore, he'll be 25 this year. He already told his parents that they should not involve in his life and whatever decisions he's making. Once he said that, his mom will always say that he's not thankful that they sent him to have a good education (he's not from here) and they've paid so much money for him. Now, his parents asked him not to finish his study(he's in his last year of master's degree) and go back to his country. Their reason is because they're tired of working and they don't want to work anymore and hence they don't want to pay for his tuition again. Now, my BF is working part time during the day with a pretty good pay. His parents only pay for his tuition which is pretty expensive(~$7k/quarter) and he paid all his living expense.

I really don't know what to do. I want to help him, but how? His parents never heard what he's saying. They don't want to hear it. They only want him to obey whatever they're telling him, but he's a grownup now.

Opinions are most welcome. Thanks for letting me vent.

[candypants1100]

Secret No comment on feedback.
I am not sure this is a 'secret'...but I am always lurking the Purse forum, and quite frankly, I think some posts are just downright phony.
I mean, for example, in the Pics of your SO thread, no one EVER said 'Eeeeewww, what an ugly mug!'
It's always 'Awww, what a cute couple'(when they obviously are NOT)
It sort of nauseates me a bit. I mean, come on, some of those people are just really unattractive. Mom said, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anyting at all!....stop being fake.

Oh, and those 'regular' members that post in EVERY thread, and are self-proclaimed experts on all topics under the sun, make me want to barf with their holier-than-thou comments. It's like a high school clique around here.

Ok, feel better :)

[candypants1100]

Secret No comment on feedback.
I have a great amount of contempt for people. I find them horribly lazy, short-sighted, self-centered, ungrateful, and bratty. I listen to their "problems" and wish they understood that 90% of the people on this planet would love to have those problems. I know people think that I think I'm better than them. I'm attractive and intelligent, with two post-gradate degrees, making almost a quarter million dollars a year in this amazing country. What people don't know is the story behind the scenes: my childhood distorted by infidelity, alcohol, sexual obsessions, and mental disease. I want to scream at people and shake some sense into them - if I can overcome that baggage to get to where I'm at today, anyone can! Get off your fat, lazy ass and take control of your life already! I hate other people for letting themselves be disabled by things they can control, and then passing the costs of that disability off to the rest of society. **** them.

[candypants1100]

Secret No comment on feedback.
I want to share this I guess since it is anonymous. I was raped this past november. I told a few friends what happened and they disappeared from my life. I understand why people react this way, but it has been so isolating. I live in a city where I don't know anyone. I am scared of going out at all. I guess it has rocked my world that something like this happened again after 10 years. A stranger, one of those things you see on tv. I trust no one now and see sex as something disgusting and a way that I can manipulate men. I have never been more afraid of the world and myself as I am now.

[candypants1100]

secret
Feel free to comment.

I started dating my boyfriend while he was still married, no they werent even seperated, no that hadnt even really had a discussion about that in depth, although the idea had been hurtfully tossed around at times im sure. I admit it, finally, I was involved in an affair. We had been falling for each other so hard, based on all the right things completely removed from actual physical connection for years. It was like we just couldnt keep pretending. We got caught up in the moment one night. One night led to another night. I think we both knew before anything ever started that we were each others soul mate. And that this wasnt just a lustful small fling. It was intense burning emotions, and passion and love. He divorced very quickly after that, and I left my boyfriend too. It was easy to see that both his marriage and my relationship were started for the wrong reasons to begin with (he got married young, and I had never held romantic feelings toward my boyfriend). At times I feel so proud of our relationship, on how we both fell in love and gave up our entire lives to be together, that we were willing to walk through fire, and deal with all the messy and hard things that were about to happen. That we didnt just suffer through our old relationships and always wonder what might have been. Its been a year now, and hes officially divorced, we are stronger and more connected than ever. I think that we really have found the absolute right person in each other. I have never felt so complete, and myself, and madly in love before. Although it was absolutely worth it, I am still wrestling with the guilt of what turmoil and upset this has caused in the lives of the people we were formerly involved with. I really honestly ache for them. I do believe though that we were not the right person(s) for them. and the right person for them will come along, and they will understand. I have no choice but to just surrender to the moment, as these have been the best moments of my life.

[onegirlcreative]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

Secret No comment on feedback. I am not sure this is a 'secret'...but I am always lurking the Purse forum, and quite frankly, I think some posts are just downright phony. I mean, for example, in the Pics of your SO thread, no one EVER said 'Eeeeewww, what an ugly mug!' It's always 'Awww, what a cute couple'(when they obviously are NOT) It sort of nauseates me a bit. I mean, come on, some of those people are just really unattractive. Mom said, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anyting at all!....stop being fake. Oh, and those 'regular' members that post in EVERY thread, and are self-proclaimed experts on all topics under the sun, make me want to barf with their holier-than-thou comments. It's like a high school clique around here. Ok, feel better :)

I have to say that I agree with the OP's "secret" 100%. I also feel the same way, especially when a mod posts (no offense to any particular mods, of course). You're not alone.

I feel like whenever a mod posts—regardless of how elitist it may seem—everybody is always like "good post....xxxx" when what they're saying might be completely ignorant and self-absorbed. But I think that people are afraid to disagree with these mods because they're afraid of getting banned.

I honestly hope that wouldn't be the case because any forum where someone would get banned for disagreeing with a mod, is not a forum I would want to particularly belong to.

The other forums I belong to are not like that at all, in fact, people are not afraid to tell the mod(s) if they're disappointed with something or whatever. I feel like you have to walk on eggshells with certain mods (not all, of course) when posting.

Just wanted the OP to know that you're not alone. I feel the exact same way.

[candypants1100]

secret

I am ashamed to say that I am no longer physically attracted to my DH at all; we haven't had sex in years. it's not through any fault of his own or change in him.

I have never had a high sex drive, though the BF before DH it was amazing. I daydream about that lately.

I love DH very much and he loves me very much. He has accepted the situation without complaint. We have been married a very long time. Even when we met and fell in love, I wasn't that attracted, but we were young and I liked it better than I do now.

I am doubly ashamed when almost everyone we know tells us what a great marriage we have, how well we 'go' together, they say can 'just tell' by how we interact with each other. Isn't that just crazy?

I don't want to see a professional about it, as I really do not enjoy sex any more. If I never had it again it wouldn't bother me. But I do often wonder if previous BF and I would still be like we were when we were together if we had married. I was crazy about him.

I fell in love with my DH Not long after I met him, and we did have sex somewhat regularly before we married and for about 10 years after but I never enjoyed it as I did with the previous couple of boyfriends. DH has told me he knew what he was getting into when we married, it did not come as a surprise or shock to him, he knew my feeling, but he loved me anyway.

Also, I never wanted children, so lack of sex was not an issue in that regard.

It's sounds so dysfunctional, but actually we are very happy.

If only people knew. Thank God they don't.

[pcil]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

Secret No comment on feedback. I want to share this I guess since it is anonymous. I was raped this past november. I told a few friends what happened and they disappeared from my life. I understand why people react this way, but it has been so isolating. I live in a city where I don't know anyone. I am scared of going out at all. I guess it has rocked my world that something like this happened again after 10 years. A stranger, one of those things you see on tv. I trust no one now and see sex as something disgusting and a way that I can manipulate men. I have never been more afraid of the world and myself as I am now.

Oh no! You have to start going out and meet new people/friends. I know how sucks it is when you have noone you can talk to. Are you traumatized by it? If you are, you should seek a counselor/psychiatrist. At least you can talk to them and someone will be there to listen to you.

[xlana]

tPF can be a very dramatic place sometimes. And I agree that I find myself disagreeing and even feeling disgusted at certain posts. That being said however, I have a right to my opinion, I just don't have a right to say it to them when they haven't asked me to.

Mother also said, "Treat others how you want to be treated."


Also, I assume that if the poster specifically said "do not comment" that we cannot comment. Otherwise, if they didn't say anything, I think it's safe to say that they'll allow it.

[onegirlcreative]

Originally Posted by xlana

tPF can be a very dramatic place sometimes. And I agree that I find myself disagreeing and even feeling disgusted at certain posts. That being said however, I have a right to my opinion, I just don't have a right to say it to them when they haven't asked me to. Mother also said, "Treat others how you want to be treated." Also, I assume that if the poster specifically said "do not comment" that we cannot comment. Otherwise, if they didn't say anything, I think it's safe to say that they'll allow it.

Oh, you know what, you're right. I misread it when she said "no comment on feedback." For some reason, I took that as the OP didn't say either way, I don't know why I thought that when it was clear.

My bad. At least I was agreeing with her and not bashing her.

[candypants1100]

^'no comment on feedback' meant that the OP didn't say whether or not they wanted feedback, as in, there was no comment as to whether or not they wanted feedback.

[xlana]

Originally Posted by onegirlcreative

Oh, you know what, you're right. I misread it when she said "no comment on feedback." For some reason, I took that as the OP didn't say either way, I don't know why I thought that when it was clear. My bad. At least I was agreeing with her and not bashing her.

I figured it's like driving, if it doesn't say you can't, you can! LOL!

And I was in no way implying you were bashing her. I was just stating my thought process when I encounter those kinds of posts!

[candypants1100]

secret
I am depressed, very depressed. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 5 years ago and recently have been off of my medication. I initially went off 3 years ago because at the time, we didn't have insurance, and my meds would have cost over $200/month. Since we got insurance a few years ago, I haven't gone to a local doctor to renew my subscription.

In 2005, when my daughter was in kindergarten, I wanted to commit suicide. I called my husband depressed and crying continuously because I didn't want to go home. I just wanted to drive and drive. He suggested I go to the nearest hospital, which I did, and he met me there to help me with admittance in the ER and explain my situation. Once they learned that I had thoughts of suicide, they checked me into a psychiatric ward for 3 days. It was the worst three days of my life. A part of me didn't feel like they helped me in any way, and because I was forced to be admitted, I had no choice. They even insisted I ride in an ambulance (I had no choice) , which till this day, we owe $800 for because our insurance didn't pay for it. This sort of thing only adds to my depression on a daily basis.

I feel like we both work so hard but don't really have anything decent to show for it. I can't remember the last time we have been on a "real" vacation together (where we're not visiting relatives and staying in their house). Hearing all of our friends talking about their vacations is so depressing, I hate it. I resent the fact that they work in high paying jobs where we hardly make a decent living, which allows them to travel wherever and whenever they want. And we both a have college degrees.

I get so depressed when every single weekend, my husband comes home and just sleeps on the sofa for a few hours. We never really do anything fun as a family, and most of the time it's just my daughter and me. My husband works 7 days/week, so a part of me feels guilty for getting upset with him for wanting to sleep or being so tired. He works hard to provide for us, but what kind of life is this for our family when he's exhausted all the time?

I love my job and love what I do for a living, but I hate commuting an hour each way to work, especially when it snows.

There are times when I am not happy being a mother. I love my daughter more than life itself, but there are days when I just want to be by myself, and not have my daughter or husband around me. I hate myself for feeling this way and I feel nothing but guilt and sadness when I have these thoughts. I have never voiced this to anybody.

I wish I could escape to Europe and live this James Bond/Bourne Ultimatum/Ocean's 11 lifestyle. I know that sounds really cheesy, but anytime I watch a movie and it's filmed in Europe, I just salivate and fantasize of escaping! What kind of life am I leading? We never can afford to do anything, and we never can afford to go anywhere. I'm sick of it. I have never been to Europe and I'm afraid will never get the chance before I die. That would be my biggest regret.

I love my husband dearly, but there are times when I look at him and I'm disgusted because he didn't choose a decent career path—even though he's smart enough to. We literally live paycheck-to-paycheck. No savings, nothing. But yet when I watch shows like RHoOC or RHoNYC, I feel such envy towards their lifestyles.

We used to have major credit card debt until we finally had to file bankruptcy in 2001 because after our daughter was born, we couldn't afford the monthly payments any longer—we were $60K in credit card debt. And it was all MY fault. I live with that guilt every single day of how I ruined my husband's perfect 800 FICO score credit.

We have never owned our own home and have been renting since day one. Now with the recent banking bust, there is no way that any bank in their right mind would EVER give us a mortgage.

Now that we don't have any credit card debt or much debt in general (other than normal living expenses), we STILL can't afford to live a normal lifestyle—I dream of taking a vacation with my family every year, but we never can.

I feel like the biggest loser and I loathe myself on a daily basis. I wish I could escape this country and move away forever—somewhere where they don't judge you from your social security number.

But you would never know it because every single day, I have a huge smile on my face and I laugh continuously. It's such a facade my life.

I wish I could just escape.

[candypants1100]

secret

I don't care if there's feedback.

I haven't had the best friend luck over the years. A few years back, I had a friend who was also my biggest bully. I was fortunate enough to be able to walk alway from the situation. I haven't regretted my time with her, seeing as she made me a stronger person.

I recently had a friend who was like my other half. I loved her like I would a sister. However, something traumatic (she doesn't like to talk about it, so I won't post it), and I was like a mother to her. I think it somehow crushed our relationship, because at the time I would do what she asked. I didn't mind.

About a year after, she started to be just plain out rude and mean to me. I didn't like it, but I didn't confront her about it either. I knew she wouldn't listen. At the time, I was also dealing with other friend relationship issues as well. Which, made it all the more worse.

I have been fortunate to have moved on from the "friends" that haven't been there for me for very long. The one thing I despised about my friends was, at a young age, nothing was sugar-coated. So, I went through a couple hard times, but even though they seemed to be there, they never really were. At least not the way I was there to them.

Currently, I have a group of friends who love me more than my old friends ever could. I couldn't be happier, except for one issue. My friend with the tramautic issue has been hanging around. I really despise her, as I see now how childish she is. I really don't want her around, but I can't do anything about it. She constantly embarrasses me and it's annoying. I wish she would just go away and find other friends, but that's not obviously happening any time soon. The one thing I hate the most is, I feel like I have to be protective of my new friends sometimes. Like maybe she'll manipulate them and they won't want to hang out with me anymore. I feel territorial, like I was there first, so why should she be the one who's constantly there. I just hate it!