Our Very Own Purse Secret: Part II

[candypants1100]

new secret Sender did not say whether or not he/she would like feedback.

I daydream a lot. I always fantasize about being someone else like a character on a tv show mostly on The L-Word, Friends, or Weeds. My life is so dull. I hate being boring old me.

[Cedes]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

secret I never thought I'd feel comfortable sharing my secrets, but thanks to anonymousfeedback.net, I'll give it a shot. I don't know whether this is particularly scandalous or not, but I've figured out a very sneaky and surely unethical method of returning stuff at TJ Maxx and Marshalls, and I've been doing this for years. Since they get new stuff in all the time and never really know what they have, I noticed that their tagging system is really non-specific. That is, each item has a department number and a SKU number, but there's really nothing to identify an item exactly. So, if I buy a BCBG dress for example, when I get home, I will attach the price tag to another dress in my closet that I've only worn once or twice, and then I'll return that dress instead. It's kind of a way to keep rotating my closet, keeping the things I like, and returning the things I don't end up liking that well. Their return period is only 30 days, so often it's too late to return the original item. 99% of the time, the employees take the returns without batting an eye. I've returned stuff that was a couple years old this way! I suppose this is an indicator that I have a shopping problem... I used to be worse, but now I make enough money that I can generally buy what I want within reason and not feel guilty. However, that doesn't stop me from using this returning scheme. I know I shouldn't rationalize it, but the items I return are in perfectly saleable condition, and the employees and even management don't even know the value of what they're selling anyway (example: I once paid $12.99 for a pair of Cavalli sunglasses!). I know switching tickets is technically "wrong", but I really don't feel bad about it.

I'm sorry, but in some ways this is worse than stealing. If someone wants used items they'll go to Salvation Army or Goodwill. You're not just stealing from the company but you're taking something away from people who are unfortunate enough to purchase the items that you return. It doesn't matter if it's clean or not - we only have your word to go on. How would you feel if you bought something and then got it home only to discover that it was dirty or previously worn?

I once got a shirt from Old Navy and when I got home I found someone else's deodorant marks on it, which grossed me out so bad that now I meticulously check everything before I buy it.

I'd be more worried about the fact that you don't feel any guilt or remorse for doing it (and even seem to display some sense of pride) rather than the actual act itself. I hope you get some help.

[SPOILEDkiwi]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

secret I never thought I'd feel comfortable sharing my secrets, but thanks to anonymousfeedback.net, I'll give it a shot. I don't know whether this is particularly scandalous or not, but I've figured out a very sneaky and surely unethical method of returning stuff at TJ Maxx and Marshalls, and I've been doing this for years. Since they get new stuff in all the time and never really know what they have, I noticed that their tagging system is really non-specific. That is, each item has a department number and a SKU number, but there's really nothing to identify an item exactly. So, if I buy a BCBG dress for example, when I get home, I will attach the price tag to another dress in my closet that I've only worn once or twice, and then I'll return that dress instead. It's kind of a way to keep rotating my closet, keeping the things I like, and returning the things I don't end up liking that well. Their return period is only 30 days, so often it's too late to return the original item. 99% of the time, the employees take the returns without batting an eye. I've returned stuff that was a couple years old this way! I suppose this is an indicator that I have a shopping problem... I used to be worse, but now I make enough money that I can generally buy what I want within reason and not feel guilty. However, that doesn't stop me from using this returning scheme. I know I shouldn't rationalize it, but the items I return are in perfectly saleable condition, and the employees and even management don't even know the value of what they're selling anyway (example: I once paid $12.99 for a pair of Cavalli sunglasses!). I know switching tickets is technically "wrong", but I really don't feel bad about it.

Now I'm nervous to shop at places like this. Usually when I buy something there's only one, so I have no way of knowing if someone is returning their worn clothes. I know you don't feel bad, but what you're doing is wrong. Not only are you cheating the company, but you are cheating the people that buy these things thinking that they're new. Would you honestly not be angry if you bought something thinking it was new only to find out that it was someone else's old worn clothes? I really hope you develop a sense of morals and stop cheating people.

[NoSnowHere]

Thanks for taking this thread over, Candy. It's very interesting.

[xlana]

Oh my...that first secret is pretty bad lol. I don't have the courage to do that kind of stuff...I'm a chicken when it comes to swapping tags, returning unethically....Ironically I'm only courageous when it comes to confronting people! LOL!

[candypants1100]

^wow that IS ironic...i am usually not so great at confronting people.

[QueenCoco]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

secret I found out a year ago that my boyfriend (an immigrant) married a girl a few months before we met. He married her to get his citizenship. He told me 3 years into our relationship. I was devastated and crushed and it put a huge dent in my trust with him. I love him and we are making it work, but this has just been so hard for me. I understand why he had to do it, but I wish he had told me earlier on. I just hate the whole situation, but don't want it to ruin our relationship.

I'm sure this hurts, however if you know the reasons he did it and know he only wants to be with you then I would let it go. Its not worth ruining your relationship over something that you can't change and he needed to do...

[Green Zebra]

Originally Posted by candypants1100

secret I never thought I'd feel comfortable sharing my secrets, but thanks to anonymousfeedback.net, I'll give it a shot. I don't know whether this is particularly scandalous or not, but I've figured out a very sneaky and surely unethical method of returning stuff at TJ Maxx and Marshalls, and I've been doing this for years. Since they get new stuff in all the time and never really know what they have, I noticed that their tagging system is really non-specific. That is, each item has a department number and a SKU number, but there's really nothing to identify an item exactly. So, if I buy a BCBG dress for example, when I get home, I will attach the price tag to another dress in my closet that I've only worn once or twice, and then I'll return that dress instead. It's kind of a way to keep rotating my closet, keeping the things I like, and returning the things I don't end up liking that well. Their return period is only 30 days, so often it's too late to return the original item. 99% of the time, the employees take the returns without batting an eye. I've returned stuff that was a couple years old this way! I suppose this is an indicator that I have a shopping problem... I used to be worse, but now I make enough money that I can generally buy what I want within reason and not feel guilty. However, that doesn't stop me from using this returning scheme. I know I shouldn't rationalize it, but the items I return are in perfectly saleable condition, and the employees and even management don't even know the value of what they're selling anyway (example: I once paid $12.99 for a pair of Cavalli sunglasses!). I know switching tickets is technically "wrong", but I really don't feel bad about it.

I have to say I cringed when I read this. Unfortunately, this is not just "technically wrong," it is stealing, plain and simple. And it's altering what the store is selling as "brand new." What I'm wondering is how the OP switches the tags from one item to another...the price tags are secured with a garment tagging gun. Does the OP have one? What bothers me about this is the lack of remorse or guilt, and the rationalization and justification of the act. And no, they are not in "salable condition" if they are worn, used, and sweated in!

[candypants1100]

Secret Sender does not mind feedback.

Dear Auntie X,



I know your husband, my uncle, makes a lot of money for a Psychologist. I also know that you are a teacher making "peanuts" at a private school. So, when we come for a visit you don't need to tell me how much everything costs. I know that the caterer for J's graduation party was excellent and the food was amazing, but I didn't need to know it cost $100 a plate. Sure, your new kitchen looks amazing...but I didn't need to know it cost $100,000. I like your new Volvo with beautiful leather seats, but doesn't it make you feel a little guilty that your husband drives a Honda?



Auntie X, you are 5'7" and weigh 105 lbs. Your neck looks like beef jerky and your skin just hangs from your bones. We know you work out 3 hours a day and like to pretend you are a picture of health...but what you forget is we see that you don't eat anything and when you do you run to the bathroom immediately. I know that you do get a lot of calories in during the day though. I saw you down 2 bottles of wine last time we were together before 7 PM. Those are not the kind of calories that sustain human life Auntie X. Yes, I know your parents are A-holes and I know some really screwed up stuff happened to you when you were growing up, but do you think this behavior is or was good for your children? You embarrass them. You humiliate them in front of anyone any chance you get.



Hey Auntie X, did you know Uncle X called my mom and told her as soon as your son B graduated from high school that he is leaving you? You are a drunk and abusive to yourself and everyone else. You refused to go to rehab for your drinking and your eating disorder. You have racked up $100,000 in credit card debt over the last 5 years. You are a drain on everyone including yourself. Guess what Auntie X...B graduates in 2 months. Start packing.



So, 2 years ago your eldest daughter J got her Ph.D and got married in Vancouver and you spent $33,500 on the wedding even though there were only $75 guests. It was pretty nice, especially since everything in that city is expensive. But, Auntie X, I think someone forgot to remind you that you have 2 other daughters and a son. So, when my beautiful, charming, and exquisitely beautiful cousin E got engaged, it was really exciting when she decided she wanted to get married in Maine at the most amazing oceanfront hotel I've ever seen. We were all so happy and excited for her, that was until you and Uncle X told her she was going to have to wait 5 years to get married because you couldn't afford to foot the bill. But, I mean E on has a bachelor's degree in education...not like your oldest daughter J who has a PHD in molecular biology. Maybe if E had met your impossibly high standards you could have saved a bit of $$$ for her wedding. I'll tell her that next time she calls me to sob about her destination wedding in Jamaica that she took out a home equity loan to pay for and that myself and my mother contributed $5000 toward.



Hey, and remember when my Uncle flew you out for my wedding? Remember how you were 1 among 250 other guests? Well, when you got off the plane and got in the car and said "so, did you plan any tours for us or anything because for J's wedding her fiancé planned all sorts of excursions and tours for us and I felt it was very tasteful". Remember that? When you said that I wanted to punch you in the face. I did. I almost laughed out loud. No, Auntie X, I didn't plan any special excursions for you to do the weekend of MY WEDDING. I did, however, put together a $50 gift bag with all sorts of ideas for activities to do in the city with tickets, snacks, and even friggin Evian cuz I know that is all you drink. Oh, And by the way...the only reason J's husband planed an excursion is because HE MAKES $13/hr working for a sight seeing company and leeching off of his wife's Ph.D salary. No wonder you two get along so well.



Oh, and Auntie X, I know how nasty and hateful you are. My mother (C), your sister-in-law has been overweight her whole life no matter how healthy she eats. Do you know how much she cries about how insecure she is? She is beautiful and a beautiful person who has devoted her life to helping others. What-The-F have you done lately? I bring this up because 4 years ago when going through photo albums after my grandfathers funeral you found a family picture of all of us. You were pregnant with B in the photo Auntie X. Do you remember what you said? You said "Wow, C, this is one of the few pictures where I actually look FATTER than you!". Thank your lucky stars that I wasn't standing there when you said that Auntie X, because you would have been picking up your teeth off of the floor.



So, Auntie X, next time you feel like telling me about how J's Ph.D fellowship has her placed top in the country, or that E's photos are going to be in a magazine because the designer asked her to be their model, or that H graduated at the top of her class in 3 1/2 years at an Ivy League School or that B got accepted to a top school on a full ride scholarship...just know that I KNOW you are using your kids accomplishments to mask your own shortcomings.



I remember that when I was a tween I was awkward. I had bouts of depression and my parents made 1/2 of what your husband did so I never had the best stuff. I remember you taking E and I shopping since we are the same age, and I remember you buying her $800 worth of clothes from Bebe and when we got home you put 3 well worn faded and stained Abercrombie shirts in a bag for me to take because they were too old for E like I was a charity case or something. It probably really freaked you out when senior year my dad inherited a couple million dollars worth of land and stocks. You had such a hard time understanding why my mom kept her house since it wasn't huge and loud like yours. I remember your face when she showed you the 5 ct anniversary band my dad got her. She may not have the house but she sure as hell carries better bags than you will EVER carry, thats for sure. I know it made you uncomfortable to discover that my husband makes about 250k per year too at the age of 29. I know it makes you uncomfortable to think of an even playing field.



I know that you will do and say anything to me or my mom to let us know that you are better than us. I am just writing to you today to let you know that you are wrong and I know it, my mom knows it, your husband knows it, and worst of all your kids know it. I hope you are happy with the life you've created for yourself, but no amount of money or success on behalf of your children is going to buy you tact, class, or love.



Oh, and by the way Auntie X, that Chloe Paddington you so generously gave E and were showing off to everyone at my wedding is FAKE.





D

[candypants1100]

Secret Sender did not say whether or not she/he would like feedback.

My secret is that my friend broke my heart this past year. I have more anger and am so discusted with my own self for letting it happen. She is a user, abuser and proud of it. She stabbed me in the back more times than I care to count and did everything in her power to belittle me. I finally had enough. I was so proud of myself the day I let her go. I know the day, the time and the place it happened. I'll never ever forget that moment. Each day goes by now, and when I get the itch to see how she is, or make sure she is doing ok I find out that nothing has changed and I thank my lucky stars that she is no longer in my life. How any human can be so dang evil (and be so proud of it) is truly beyond me. Because of what I went through with her, I have since found other women who have accepted me for me and love me, for me. I really should send her a thank you card.

[dusty paws]

to the person who wrote about auntie x - i don't have much to say other than I'm so, so sorry. and sadly we are stuck with them because they are family..

i really hope you don't take anything that she says to heart. i'm sure you are a great person and don't let this nasty woman get you or your mom down. <3

[pcil]

yaaayyy new secrets!!!! I'm so excited!! keep 'em coming :)

[xlana]

*sigh* Family drama.....it's such a pain in the butt!

[laureenthemean]

In response to post #24:
I really feel for you and your mother, and everyone else who has had to deal with your aunt. What you wrote about your mother broke my heart. It's a shame that your aunt refuses to get help for herself and instead projects her own insecurities onto others. It sounds like you and your parents are living well, and that's the best revenge, of course.

[candypants1100]

secret Sender did not say whether s/he would like feedback

My secret is that I am terrified to be alone.

I am working through some MAJOR issues with my S/O (I believe he has a drinking problem, and I just can't deal with it anymore. I've urged him to seek help, and he finally has)... and things are better now than they ever have EVER been. But, part of me believes that I may be settling. Currently, I'm happy with our situation. I haven't felt this happy around him in months; but, I am afraid that soon he will revert to his old ways... and I will be left with a drunk who berates and belittles me like my alcoholic father does.

But, I can't leave him for good... which, more than anything else, is why I've given him this chance to seek help. I am too terrified to see what else is out there.

What if I end up alone for the rest of my life? What if I never marry? What if I can never have the children I so desperately desire? What if nobody else but the man I'm with will ever love me?

There are things about our relationship that I DISLIKE but I accept... JUST BECAUSE I'm afraid to be alone.

I wish things were different.