[beljwl]

I am also totally crazy about my dog!!!!! He goes EVERYWHERE with me. He is with me 24/7. I take him with me to work and everywhere else. I stay at a job that I am way underpaid, just because I can't stand the thought of getting another job that pays me what I should be making, just because I do not want to work somewhere where I cannot bring him.

[gacats]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Another:

I just cannot reconcile getting older to who I think I am. I am now
50 plus and have a good, and balanced life but I cannot help but
compare my body/face now to the body and face I had when I was
younger, even in my forties.
I used to be a real beauty and was even in several movies. Now I have
gained weight and my face has gotten lined and heavy. I just saw a
picture of me from 10 years ago and thought what a pretty person she
is! This is making me sad even though there is nothing that can be
done about it but change my attitude and try and keep my weight down.

Comments welcomed-

Oh, this is a tough one!
I'm in my 50's too & have kept up my appearance but the fact of the matter is, I'm in my 50's. I still FEEL much younger but frankly, I find I'm enjoying the anonimity (sp) of my age, nobody is staring or making lewd comments anymore & I'm glad of it.
I've never been a beauty, but was considered cute so maybe it's easier to let go of the whole "looks" thing for me.
Just take care of yourself, & revel in the person you are now. The beauty as we get older comes from within now.
Hope you can find some peace.

[twiggers]

Some evening secrets:

I grew up without a father. Although my mom, aunt, uncle, grandma, and grandpa are very loving and took great care of me, I guess I was always missing the love of a father figure. At times, when I was as little as 6 years old, I would feel like I had a crush on grown men that were nice to me, for example one of my uncles friends that used to throw me up in the air and catch me.

When I was 11, I was staying with a family friend, her son (aged 36) and his children, for 2 weeks. One night I couldn't sleep and went to his (the 36 year old man's) room.

I told him I loved him and he made me touch his penis. I did it, but afterwards left the room and felt weirded out.

After this, my grades went down, I had to change schools, and I was generally being difficult. My mother didn't find out what was going on until after a year or so. Even then, I only told her he made me touch him.

I never told her, that I had told him I loved him before anything happened. Nobody knows this.

I am in my late twenties, and I was 11 then. Of course, I have trouble with intimacy, with sex, and men in general. But whats more important: To this day, I feel like a monster, a freak, a fool. And I feel like it is all my fault that he made me touch him. I feel like I caused my mother so much pain because of this. I would like to kill myself for this mistake that I made at age 11.

[twiggers]

Another:

I got my license when I was 17, but I can't drive. I have never driven by myself. I want to drive so bad, but I can never see myself doing it because I am so scared and nervous. I feel like I can't be independent because I can't drive (live in a rural area) and that I missed out on a lot of opportunities and lost a lot of friends because of it.

I am reclusive, shy, and have social anxiety. When people come over to visit or relatives visit, I hide because I feel so big and ugly that I don't want to see them, don't want them to compare me to other people my age to see what a loser I am. I don't know how to talk to people. I feel like I can't look people in the eye because of the way I look. I want friends eventually, but I want to be able to be happy and confident in myself and take care of myself first.

A few boys in high school liked me, but because of my shyness and unhappiness with myself, I pushed them away. I didn't feel interesting enough to be with anyone, and a few of the guys I turned away because I was afraid what other people would think.I regret that. I would like to be with someone one day, but my main focus is getting myself together.

I will be 30 in a few years, but I feel like my life is slipping away and needs to change, but I don't have the money to get help.

[twiggers]

Another:

I need to see a psychiatrist/counselor/psychologist for various reasons, but I can't afford it, and my insurance doesn't cover it.

[twiggers]

Another:

I love my brother, we are the best of friends. He is two years younger than me and his last relationship ended badly(she cheated) about 5 years ago. He has not even dated a girl since. We bug him all the time that he needs a girlfriend, and that I want nieces and nephews to spoil as my kids are getting older. BUT deep down I secretly wish he never finds anyone, because if he does we won't be able to spend as much time together and talk as much. I'll miss seeing his face at the super table with my family at least three times a week. He is amazing with my kids and they just adore him-go running for the door as soon as they see his truck pull up. My husband and him spend hours playing video games. Also I really don't think he could find a girl that could meet my standards for him.

[twiggers]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Another:

I need to see a psychiatrist/counselor/psychologist for various reasons, but I can't afford it, and my insurance doesn't cover it.

If you live near a university they often have counseling centers....and sometimes they will let non-students use the services for a very reduced rate. Many small/mid-sized cities will also have community services available!

[impasto]

Originally Posted by twiggers

If you live near a university they often have counseling centers....and sometimes they will let non-students use the services for a very reduced rate. Many small/mid-sized cities will also have community services available!

I hate it when I hear about insurance companies not covering mental health or women's health services. I have worked at Starbucks for a few years while in school, and their health insurance covers inpatient and outpatient treatments with even the most basic coverage plans. So if Starbucks can give their employees decent health insurance why can't other companies do the same?

Anyways, you only have to work 20 hours a week at SBUX to get full benefits! You also get three 100percent free visits to a licensed counselor, if you feel the need.

[ragamuffin]

I got my license when I was 17, I am reclusive, shy, and have social anxiety.

I was scared to drive for years! I got over it though. I started slowly just to the store and back. Now I can't believe I didn't want to drive.

I also have suffered with social anxiety- we moved to a small town where I didn't know anyone, my husband was always away at work and I was home with our small children. I basically became house bound. I couldn't even leave to go to the grocery store. I would have panic attacks and totally freak out. Just this year I have been able to hold down a job and feel more comfortable in large public places. I did have a job a few years ago, but I quit because I would be driving there and have a panic attack and have to turn around and call in sick. I was just not ready for it. You can come out of it and live a productive life! I did, I took meds for a short time and they did help. I broke down in the dr's office trying to talk about(after I had canceled 4 times, not being able to bring myself to go) and he told me that it is very common and nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone met me they would never believe it. I am a happy, loud, fun person. But put me around strangers in a crowded place like a mall and I couldn't function. Please talk to your dr. you can live such a better life feeling comfortable in the real world. HUGS I'll be your friend! you can pm me anytime!

[wordpast]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Some evening secrets:

I grew up without a father. Although my mom, aunt, uncle, grandma, and grandpa are very loving and took great care of me, I guess I was always missing the love of a father figure. At times, when I was as little as 6 years old, I would feel like I had a crush on grown men that were nice to me, for example one of my uncles friends that used to throw me up in the air and catch me.

When I was 11, I was staying with a family friend, her son (aged 36) and his children, for 2 weeks. One night I couldn't sleep and went to his (the 36 year old man's) room.

I told him I loved him and he made me touch his penis. I did it, but afterwards left the room and felt weirded out.

After this, my grades went down, I had to change schools, and I was generally being difficult. My mother didn't find out what was going on until after a year or so. Even then, I only told her he made me touch him.

I never told her, that I had told him I loved him before anything happened. Nobody knows this.

I am in my late twenties, and I was 11 then. Of course, I have trouble with intimacy, with sex, and men in general. But whats more important: To this day, I feel like a monster, a freak, a fool. And I feel like it is all my fault that he made me touch him. I feel like I caused my mother so much pain because of this. I would like to kill myself for this mistake that I made at age 11.

Listen to me: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You were a child. I don't care what you said to him, I don't care how you said it. HE was the "adult" and as an "adult" HE should have NEVER responded that way NEVER. EVER. Please understand that. HE is the freak, the monster, the fool. Sweetie you are a little girl, dealing with issues of not having a dad. I don't think anyone would blame you for what you said. I even understand why you said it. You were looking for something that you never had. A father's love. And being a child, with a child's mind you interpreted love the way you did (crushes ,etc..) But that's understandable sweetie and it gave no one the right to take advantage of you. And that's EXACTLY what that monster did. Took advantage of you.

Please try to talk to a professional about this. I think you need to heal from your past and forgive yourself.

Many women have overcome childhood issues and go on to lead happy lives. I wish this for you.

[oo0ehxtahcee0oo]

Originally Posted by wordpast

Listen to me: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You were a child. I don't care what you said to him, I don't care how you said it. HE was the "adult" and as an "adult" HE should have NEVER responded that way NEVER. EVER. Please understand that. HE is the freak, the monster, the fool. Sweetie you are a little girl, dealing with issues of not having a dad. I don't think anyone would blame you for what you said. I even understand why you said it. You were looking for something that you never had. A father's love. And being a child, with a child's mind you interpreted love the way you did (crushes ,etc..) But that's understandable sweetie and it gave no one the right to take advantage of you. And that's EXACTLY what that monster did. Took advantage of you.

Please try to talk to a professional about this. I think you need to heal from your past and forgive yourself.

Many women have overcome childhood issues and go on to lead happy lives. I wish this for you.

dead on! couldnt have said it better!

[EmilyK]

I got my license when I was 17, but I can't drive. I have never driven by myself. I want to drive so bad, but I can never see myself doing it because I am so scared and nervous. I feel like I can't be independent because I can't drive (live in a rural area) and that I missed out on a lot of opportunities and lost a lot of friends because of it.

I just want to say I'm 22 and haven't even had a license yet. You're definitely not alone in this one. I'm really nervous about it, too... I keep telling myself I'll learn soon.

[beljwl]

Don't feel bad about not driving. My DH did not get his license until he was 21 and the ONLY reason he got it, is I sort of made him. We bought him a car and he could not even test drive it. Even now, he is afraid of driving. He will not drive on the freeways. I drive when it is the 2 of us. He is lucky he works less then a mile from home.

[Florasun]

Originally Posted by wordpast

Listen to me: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You were a child. I don't care what you said to him, I don't care how you said it. HE was the "adult" and as an "adult" HE should have NEVER responded that way NEVER. EVER. Please understand that. HE is the freak, the monster, the fool. Sweetie you are a little girl, dealing with issues of not having a dad. I don't think anyone would blame you for what you said. I even understand why you said it. You were looking for something that you never had. A father's love. And being a child, with a child's mind you interpreted love the way you did (crushes ,etc..) But that's understandable sweetie and it gave no one the right to take advantage of you. And that's EXACTLY what that monster did. Took advantage of you.

Please try to talk to a professional about this. I think you need to heal from your past and forgive yourself.

I agree, too! You shouldn't feel bad for omitting part of the story to your mother. It is normal for little girls to have crushes. What you did was normal, what he did was wrong.

[PrincessMe]

Originally Posted by Florasun

I agree, too! You shouldn't feel bad for omitting part of the story to your mother. It is normal for little girls to have crushes. What you did was normal, what he did was wrong.

ITA with everyone..Please please know, try to accept, that it was in NO WAY YOUR fault!!! NOT at All! even if you did have a crush on him as many many many little girls do..he's not supposed to be like oh this is my chance to kick it with someone!! I mean really! he's a loser, a freak believe it! he's the one who has to feel bad..hes the one who made the mistake!
what would you do if you were babysitting a 11 yr old boy and he told you he loved you? wouldnt you just try and explain that that was not appropriate.. or would you be like hey touch my boobs?!? I mean really that man is beyond disgusting!

maybe you can find a sexual abuse group, even online there are many, bc you'll find that what you feel is very very normal for anyone who has been sexually abused as you were