[nataliam1976]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Secret:

Earlier this year I checked my boyfriends' old email address and found out that he was having phone sex with another girl from the other coast. They met online. I confronted him and got mad at him. He blamed it to me, he said because we constantly argue. Yes, we do argue but our sex was the same.. Or I was just too naive not to notice anything. He said our wex was great, and I was too stupid to believe him. We have a shared family phone plan so months prior to that I know they talk on the phone everyday for 2-3 hours in the early morning (2AM?!). I couldn't keep that thing out of my mind and almost everyday I nag him about it. I told him to tell the girl to stop calling him but once in a while I can see that she still texts him. I couldn't ebar it any longer and texted the girl earlier to leave us alone. Then I told my bf about it and he got mad. Kept telling me that has been long gone and it shouldn't bother me anymore. How can I stop feeling betrayed? I still feel the hurt. I love him so much that I didn't left him then... Until today.. He broke up with me. He said he couldn't take it any longer.

Is it my fault that I couldn't let it go? Is something wrong with me? I am getting depressed every minute.... I'm at work and couldn't held back so I cried a little, but I didn't want my co-workers to find out. Sigh.. Please, help... Help.

I'm sick, I've had 2 surgeries last year.. I don't know if the medications made me feel like this.. I know for sure I've been depressed since.

I don't think I can ever trust anyone anymore..

Please dont take it as offense, but if you love someone that much like you love him, he treats you the way he did and you dont leave, its a bad love.

And love is not everything in a relationship, if there is no trust, respect, care for each other, then love itself is not enough. He has showed you numerous times that you are not the most important to him and he cant be bothered having a proper relationship. It is not your fault that all you wanted is to behave decently and be there for you and him trying to guilt you into it ...

how dare he say that because you argue he had to go and have phone sex with someone else? sure, there are issues in relationships, but first you try and work on it, not go ahead and cheat and blame it on the other party - its outrageous and pathetic at the same time, you are so much better off without him. Trust me him breaking up is a blessing in disguise.


I think you would benefit from a few meeting with a therapist.. I think you need to work on your self confidence and knowing you own value, setting boundaries and not letting people walk all over you and use you as a doormat which is what he did. Good luck!

[ksammon]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Secret:

My stepdad HATES ME i don’t think i ever did anything 2 him - Now i just dislike him - he's CRAZY he drinks all the time and he has Pro- he acts like a physco its like this - he was soo mean calling me names and telling me how i (I) was f-king up there married How ? am not married 2 u ??? Then I moved out - he got all upset saying that when i move thing will change and he'll be the punching bag - uh hello am ur punching bag?? he was crying like a kid it made me feel sorry 4 him i still moved out .. My mom won’t get a divorce its soo crazy they don’t even share a room he use the guest Room - hello.... They fight about everything.. she said she wants 2 stay married bc of my brother ( he's 11 ) i told her don’t stay 4 him he's better off in the long run ... but bc he's a physco she ( my mom ) doesn’t know what he'll do when she's not there - I don’t think he would hit him or anything but he drinks a lot !!! i think she Thinks that he won’t take him to school and he'll drink all day he gets really MAD the more he drinks for ex- a few months back my mom went to LA to see a friend i didn’t have the $$ 2 go so i had 2 stay ( I moved back with my rents this year ) he was drinking until like 3am with the music turned UP around 12:00 I asked him 2 turn in down he said ok but it was a only a little then i think he turned it UP again around 2:30am i asked him 2 turn it down bc i had work that day he FREAK OUt yelling this is my house and i will do whatever i want -- Omg that what a child would say - my toy am not going 2 share - he's Crazy - and a drunk ... So I had 2 move back with my rents bc i got in2 a VERY bad car accident nothing happen 2 me My car took the hit and well bc i didn’t have collusion on the car my car insurance didn’t pay and i have no car that was DEC So i walk 2 work my stepdad i don’t know why has been Driving me Well -Duh he got in2 a fight with my mom and was yelling that i don’t do anything i need 2 find a full-time job and all this Crap - So i got home on Saturday and my mom said that he was all freaking out about me - My job is about 45min walk so a lot of the Time i walk Home bc there's no1 home - and he would give me a ride there in the morning i knew it wouldn’t last so i didn’t have my hopes Up or anything and its only 45min - Now my mom is on my cast about a car i haven’t had a car scene DEC i Don’t have the MONEY and she cant buy me one - i cant get a car loan BC i can’t pay car payments MY car insurance is going 2 be soooooooooo expensive its my 3rd accident and the way Gas is going OMg I can’t even rap my mind around it - and also am really afraid 2 drive i haven’t told anyone But am really afraid i don’t want 2 get in2 another car accident - I’m just soo lost - No Car No real job ( i have a part-time job now but they won’t give me any hours and I have no schooling (college ) the best i would do is work an ice cream shop ?? am going 2 be 23year old next month and am moving backward no forward it hurts - My mom wishes that i would move in with a family member in another state so i can start over not have to live at home with my step dad i have no friends either i have no real money 2 move out i did move out i couldn’t afford it i was living with some1 and they had 2 pay the rent most of the time - it was hard on them - I HATE it I don’t know what 2 do And to top it all off went I go2 the car accident they sent me to the ER will I have no health insurance (bc of no college and no fulltime job ) So I have 2 pay for the bill which comes to $5000 My mom can’t help me I don’t make a lot of $$ So with all the money that am paying the hospital I could be saving for a car with $5000 I could get a car !!! I don’t know anymore sometime I wish I could disappear ….

i'm soo sorry

[nicole2730]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Secret:

had sex w/ my first boyfriend when i was 17...it lasted like 3 seconds. and i didn't have any bf or sex till i was 32. i had a one night stand with a man (also like 3 seconds..b/c it hurt too bad), i was naive to believe we had a connection but never heard from him since the night. met another guy non-american..he was pretending to like me but was after sex. we were having long-distance phone calls/sex for like 3~4 months and he came to the US. we had sex (he didn't stop when i was screaming in pain) and he didn't use condom b/c he said it cut his circulation. i got pregnant and he told me to have an aborption - he told me from another side of the world. after i had the procedure i went into deep depression, it's around thanksgiving & x'mas time. now i always assocate holidays w/ my pain. i still cry from time to time...i don't think i can ever forget. i also blame myself for being stupid. like a lady also went thru the same thing, i still keep the ultrasound picture of the "baby", the wrist band from the clinic and i also knitted the "baby" a scarf. i put all those stuff in a metal box hid in my drawer. the box will go w/ me when i die...i hope. after a yr or so i met another a**hole...stood me up for a date and lied his mother died. WTF?!!! that was my wrestling w/ God. i completely surrendered to Him that i accept the fact that i might have to live the rest of my life by myself. but i still hope i will have a family eventually hopefully b4 my manapause.

after i became a believer, life didn't become rosey or making sense to me, worse to be exact - incompetent colleague got promotion b/c he looked good to represent the company. an abrasive mean women got promotion just b/c. the receptionists became our cleaning ladies b/c...they are not white, a youngster (recently graduated) of somebody who is a friend of my boss came to work w/ us and the salary matches someone has 8 yr expereience (yes, we gossip). life is NOT fair. i don't understand why God bless those kind of human being and let bad things happen to some "innocent" human beings. i don't know...but i don't think hating him is the answer. i saw the movie "passion of the Christ"....i thank what Jesus done for us and He didn't deserve to die like that. i have a lot respect for Jesue and hope at the end of the time i will have some answers.

(sorry i don't mean to preach...just my story...pls don't be offended)

i'm so sorry you had to go thru this alone. i have just a couple of things to say:
believing in God (which is what i think you're talking about when you say you became a believer) doesn't mean that all of a sudden life will be rosy and everything will be fair. life isn't fair but i think things happen for a reason, either to learn from our mistakes or strive to become better people (and this is coming from someone who doesn't believe in a singular "god" so feel free to disagree!). bad things happen to good people and vice versa, maybe it's part of a bigger plan or maybe that's just life. you just have to figure out your own plan, your own life and stop worrying about what is or isn't fair in regards to other people's salaries or misfortunes. that is time wasted in my opinion.

secondly, go to your doctor immediately regarding the painful sex!!!! maybe you have something that can be treated, maybe you have a tilted uterus. but whatever it is, find out now!! maybe it hurts because you've only had sex twice! you should explore this with a qualified doctor.

you are only 32, not 82! find out what makes YOU happy, maybe stop gossiping with your co-workers about who makes more but doesn't deserve it - all of this leads to misery and unhappiness. start focusing on you and i think you'll start seeing more positive things happen in your life.

thank you for sharing your secret, i honestly appreciate the strength it took to write what you are feeling and posting it online. you are stronger then you think.

[nicole2730]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Secret:

Has anyone here ever just taken whatever money and belongings they have, and just moved away to another city or country? I'm 20, I live in Canada, and I cannot live with my parents anymore. They've always treated me like crap, and I'm afraid I will seriously hurt myself if I don't remove myself from the situation. I'm thinking of just packing my bags and moving away, but I only have about $2500 - which really will not last for very long. As well, I know that my moving away will mean I will never speak to my parents again, because I will pretty much be disowned if I were to ever leave (it's culturally unacceptable for children to not live with their parents if they aren't married).

Has anyone ever done something like this? Just packed their bags and left? Any advice/stories would be very helpful.

Thank you.

yup, i've done it many times!
the first time, i was 21, my father had just died and i was living with a drug addict BF (didn't know he was addicted until after i left him, but obviously he didn't have his sh** together to begin with). packed up my car and drove across country to start fresh and finish college. i pretty much had zero money ($600 to be exact, so you're a lot farther along then i was!) but enough to get me on the road to a better place.

the 2nd time, i had just quit my job (at 31) to move to another city to start over and i mean START OVER! i had a job doing public relations for a terrible non-profit organization with the worst morals i have ever seen, quit after 3 months, signed up with a temp agency and now, 8 years later, i'm in a great industry, married with kids, etc. etc. etc.

if you aren't happy where you are, then it is the sane thing to leave the situation you're in to make a fresh start for yourself. change is always good, no matter how difficult. i think you know what you need to do to become happy and healthy. i hope that you find the strength to do it. i know that i did it and that, even tho times weren't always easy, wherever i went was better then where i was.

hope that makes sense. i wish you the best!!

[nicole2730]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Secret:

Earlier this year I checked my boyfriends' old email address and found out that he was having phone sex with another girl from the other coast. They met online. I confronted him and got mad at him. He blamed it to me, he said because we constantly argue. Yes, we do argue but our sex was the same.. Or I was just too naive not to notice anything. He said our wex was great, and I was too stupid to believe him. We have a shared family phone plan so months prior to that I know they talk on the phone everyday for 2-3 hours in the early morning (2AM?!). I couldn't keep that thing out of my mind and almost everyday I nag him about it. I told him to tell the girl to stop calling him but once in a while I can see that she still texts him. I couldn't ebar it any longer and texted the girl earlier to leave us alone. Then I told my bf about it and he got mad. Kept telling me that has been long gone and it shouldn't bother me anymore. How can I stop feeling betrayed? I still feel the hurt. I love him so much that I didn't left him then... Until today.. He broke up with me. He said he couldn't take it any longer.

Is it my fault that I couldn't let it go? Is something wrong with me? I am getting depressed every minute.... I'm at work and couldn't held back so I cried a little, but I didn't want my co-workers to find out. Sigh.. Please, help... Help.

I'm sick, I've had 2 surgeries last year.. I don't know if the medications made me feel like this.. I know for sure I've been depressed since.

I don't think I can ever trust anyone anymore..

i don't know how to sugar coat this, but here's the truth:
having surgeries or being sick doesn't dismiss the fact that your boyfriend was "cheating" on you with this other girl. i think you checked his old email because you didn't trust him. i believe women have an intuition about these things and i think your instincts were telling you something was wrong. unfortunately you were right. you're probably depressed about it because you have a lot of stuff going on in your life and this doesn't help. it sounds like he did you a favor by ending the relationship. now you can move on, hopefully to a more trusting relationship in the future.

however, maybe you should take this time to think about yourself and not finding another boyfriend. you didn't say what your surgeries were for, but i'm guessing it was for something serious?? now is the time to focus on yourself, getting better and healing, both mentally and physically.

life is too short to be with someone you don't trust and who doesn't respect you!

[qwerty234]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Secret:

i have done nothing with my life I'm not in college i work a crappy job that's taking me no where my bf is tired of me talking about doing something and not doing it ... he says i have 2 do something i told him am SO afraid to fail i know '' i know lots of ppl fail that's what life about - i read somewhere that the most successful ppl failed more times then anything writers sports players CEo's But am just a normal person Anyways i haven't told anyone yet but i have been thinking about opening up my own clothes store ... i have alot of medical bills that am working on but ones that's done i think am going to take a '' How to open your won business '' Am so excited about it i haven't told anyone yet b/c well i don't want to blow it -



Off topic ..........................



i'm over 21 so i can go to bars and clubs but i cant go alone its not SAVE
All my friends live more them 10 hr away - the one is in the UK
i'm so pathetic i even when to craigslist and posted an ad that i wanted a yoga friend

i have a b/f but its nice to have a gal to talk to a friend you can go to the mall with stuff like that ! plus he's not in2 do much he has a stressful job - & he's into chillin at home watchin TVand movie - am tired of watchin movie not talkin 2 any1

what is a better way to meet ppl > i work but the ppl at work i dont know it doesnt seem to work i tried to be friendly and ask them what there doing on the weekend but they have there own friends and school to worry about .
i'm getting kinda depressed / i know ppl boo hoo is has no friends but i havent had friends ( that i can hang with ) in years in Hs i had no pro- i had a LARGE !! group of friends all kinds of friends from diff groups

i can attend school its out the the (?

First of all, congratulations on deciding to do the starting your own business course! I hope you have a great time with it, I'm sure everything will be great, and if you want to do it, your energy and enthusiasm will pay off. You never know, you could be even more successful than you imagined! The thought of failing is scary, but it's true what they say, you'll never know till you try. The first step is hard, but with perseverance I'm sure you'll pull it off

On the topic of friends,(and I feel weird posting this), I know what you mean. Boyfriends are great, but they don't make up for having a girl to chat to, go shopping with, see a chick flick with. I hope you do get a great chick take you up on the yoga offer, and make a new best friend.
I moved across the world a few years ago, and have never had a close girlfriend since, I know what you're missing.

I'm really interested in what everyone's ideas are on ways to meet new people, and make new friends, I'm sure they'll have some good tips, and looking for a yoga buddy is a great start!

[twiggers]

I am back!!!! I am so sorry....I did not have any internet in my hotel (well OK, there was but it was $40 US per day!!!!!)! But I am now back and will be regularly checking again!

[twiggers]

Secret:

My stepdad HATES ME i donʼt think i ever did anything 2 him - Now i just dislike him - he's CRAZY he drinks all the time and he has Pro- he acts like a physco its like this - he was soo mean calling me names and telling me how i (I) was f-king up there married How ? am not married 2 u ??? Then I moved out - he got all upset saying that when i move thing will change and he'll be the punching bag - uh hello am ur punching bag?? he was crying like a kid it made me feel sorry 4 him i still moved out .. My mom wonʼt get a divorce its soo crazy they donʼt even share a room he use the guest Room - hello.... They fight about everything.. she said she wants 2 stay married bc of my brother ( he's 11 ) i told her donʼt stay 4 him he's better off in the long run ... but bc he's a physco she ( my mom ) doesnʼt know what he'll do when she's not there - I donʼt think he would hit him or anything but he drinks a lot !!! i think she Thinks that he wonʼt take him to school and he'll drink all day he gets really MAD the more he drinks for ex- a few months back my mom went to LA to see a friend i didnʼt have the $$ 2 go so i had 2 stay ( I moved back with my rents this year ) he was drinking until like 3am with the music turned UP around 12:00 I asked him 2 turn in down he said ok but it was a only a little then i think he turned it UP again around 2:30am i asked him 2 turn it down bc i had work that day he FREAK OUt yelling this is my house and i will do whatever i want -- Omg that what a child would say - my toy am not going 2 share - he's Crazy - and a drunk ... So I had 2 move back with my rents bc i got in2 a VERY bad car accident nothing happen 2 me My car took the hit and well bc i didnʼt have collusion on the car my car insurance didnʼt pay and i have no car that was DEC So i walk 2 work my stepdad i donʼt know why has been Driving me Well -Duh he got in2 a fight with my mom and was yelling that i donʼt do anything i need 2 find a full-time job and all this Crap - So i got home on Saturday and my mom said that he was all freaking out about me - My job is about 45min walk so a lot of the Time i walk Home bc there's no1 home - and he would give me a ride there in the morning i knew it wouldnʼt last so i didnʼt have my hopes Up or anything and its only 45min - Now my mom is on my cast about a car i havenʼt had a car scene DEC i Donʼt have the MONEY and she cant buy me one - i cant get a car loan BC i canʼt pay car payments MY car insurance is going 2 be soooooooooo expensive its my 3rd accident and the way Gas is going OMg I canʼt even rap my mind around it - and also am really afraid 2 drive i havenʼt told anyone But am really afraid i donʼt want 2 get in2 another car accident - Iʼm just soo lost - No Car No real job ( i have a part-time job now but they wonʼt give me any hours and I have no schooling (college ) the best i would do is work an ice cream shop ?? am going 2 be 23year old next month and am moving backward no forward it hurts - My mom wishes that i would move in with a family member in another state so i can start over not have to live at home with my step dad i have no friends either i have no real money 2 move out i did move out i couldnʼt afford it i was living with some1 and they had 2 pay the rent most of the time - it was hard on them - I HATE it I donʼt know what 2 do And to top it all off went I go2 the car accident they sent me to the ER will I have no health insurance (bc of no college and no fulltime job ) So I have 2 pay for the bill which comes to $5000 My mom canʼt help me I donʼt make a lot of $$ So with all the money that am paying the hospital I could be saving for a car with $5000 I could get a car !!! I donʼt know anymore sometime I wish I could disappear

The crappy job at work is having some work done so there going 2 be closed for DAYS and am going 2 have 2 be home i dont know what 2 do my home life is toxic - i wish i could do something - my stepdad tells ppl bad things about me - how lazy i am and how am a bad person ppl that dont even know me am so hurt by it .. i wish i would do something i have 2 go somewhere

[twiggers]

Secret:

My GF got me looking at this thread and i have to get some things off
my chest.
I don't think I've told anyone any of these things before so here it
goes.

1. I stole over $800 from my parents over three years to finance my pot
and cocaine habit.
2. I also stole about $200 from my brother, who happens to be special
ed.
3. I feel that I will never be loved because of what I have done.
4. I can't stand that the only emotions that I feel are loneliness,
fear, and self-contempt, despite what others think.
5. I want to feel what it is like to be in love so bad, but I am afraid
that saying those words will leave me too vulnerable to look at myself.
6. I love being alone and occasionally make up excuses to be that way.

[illinirdhd]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Secret:

My GF got me looking at this thread and i have to get some things off
my chest.
I don't think I've told anyone any of these things before so here it
goes.

1. I stole over $800 from my parents over three years to finance my pot
and cocaine habit.
2. I also stole about $200 from my brother, who happens to be special
ed.
3. I feel that I will never be loved because of what I have done.
4. I can't stand that the only emotions that I feel are loneliness,
fear, and self-contempt, despite what others think.
5. I want to feel what it is like to be in love so bad, but I am afraid
that saying those words will leave me too vulnerable to look at myself.
6. I love being alone and occasionally make up excuses to be that way.

I think you might really benefit from Narcotics Anonymous meetings. You may be clean now, but I've heard from friends who are recovering addicts that NA meetings are helpful for the rest of your life, not just when you're getting sober. I really think it might help you sort our your guilt and sadness. Hugs to you.

[SunnyFreckles]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Secret:

My GF got me looking at this thread and i have to get some things off
my chest.
I don't think I've told anyone any of these things before so here it
goes.

1. I stole over $800 from my parents over three years to finance my pot
and cocaine habit.
2. I also stole about $200 from my brother, who happens to be special
ed.
3. I feel that I will never be loved because of what I have done.
4. I can't stand that the only emotions that I feel are loneliness,
fear, and self-contempt, despite what others think.
5. I want to feel what it is like to be in love so bad, but I am afraid
that saying those words will leave me too vulnerable to look at myself.
6. I love being alone and occasionally make up excuses to be that way.

So much of what you said reminds me of a very close friend of mine...

I am proud of you for saying these things. You should be proud, too!!!

I send you (((HUGS))) and know that while it sucks to be vulnerable and lonely...you will never really LIVE life until you are able to do those things that you fear. It could hurt SO bad...but I think it is worth the risk!

Good luck to you! I hope that you have a supportive group of friends, and if not, well, you just found a whole bunch of us here!

[Bagluvluv]

Something I just had to share.....feel free to comment....

I woke up today with a strange feeling.........dont know why and dont know what to do....

I see so many news stories of awful things happening all over the world...5 mil homeless in china...famine in Africa, molesters, horrible parents locking their kids up in their basement for years......I felt sick to my stomach...I felt like screaming at the top on my lungs....I wanted to cry so hard.....I felt stupid and selfish...

I wanted to sell all my bags and jewelry and donate the money...but I feel so helpless and distant....I dont feel guilty for buying them, just that so many others cant and are suffering while Im able to indulge my fancy........

I know that I cant change the world...but I wish I could...I really wish I could just wave a wand and cure everything....I feel angry...and I dont feel whole...I havent for awhile...how can I when so many are suffering and so little being done!!!!!!

I feel sad.....I dont know what to do....but something....something....I have this scrab bracelet I wear, to remind me that I am no different than those civilizations that came before us like the egyptians...we are all passing....we are here only for a short time and the world is so full of bulls***....

I dont know...I just dont know....
thanks for letting me vent!!!!!

[Veelyn]

I know how you feel. Its terrible. If you feel you need to donate, you should! Find a cause! I know you feel like you can't change the world, we all feel that way, but if everyone does something, even really small, we can make a difference. I always try to remember this. And it will make you feel so good for giving to charity, whether you donate money, clothes, or food. Thank you for sharing with us Bagluvluv!

[BigPurseSue]

Sometimes I grow cynical about charities and think what's the use of mailing off my little donations when so many have executives who are pulling down million dollar salaries. And sometimes when you donate to the big charities your money doesn't actually go to the people or problems you want it to go to. But there are some really good charities out there that address some of the world's terrible problems and they do need money. You just need to do a little research to find the good ones.

One night I was talking to a woman at the grocery store who sponsors children through organizations like Save the Children and Children International. Cynical me always thought these groups were a bit scammy, but they do some incredible work. This lady was telling me how she regularly flies out to visit the kids she sponsors in various countries, she's done it for years, and she was tremendously impressed by the good work these groups do.

So I thought what the hey, sign me up. What's a $30/month donation if it will send some girl to school and give her family access to a medical and dental clinic. It's such a little thing but maybe for this family this is a big thing. Maybe this will make the lives of one family a little easier.

Then there's this professor we know who runs a clinic in India that dispenses Vitamin A capsules to the poor to prevent blindness. Now that's pretty cool, that really transforms lives. If you can prevent blindness in just a few people that's pretty significant. So we donate to that.

I don't like charities that send me mass-mailings every month for the next five years after I mail in a donation. It's as if they're using my donation simply to mail me pitches asking for more money. So I avoid those groups.

If you do a little research and ask around among friends and family you can find the groups that do good work, don't have inflated overhead, and really could use your donations.

[candace117]

Originally Posted by juneping

well...my experience w/ the education is...ppl w/ proper or great education (esp those don't have great connectins or background) usally want to climb the corporate ladders. but they always think INSIDE the box...they are more nerdy in a way, they want to be conformed to certain status....they are good w/ what they do but they forgot "people" is the ultimate issue they have to deal w/. and ppl w/out those fanyc degrees, they probably work smart or they are more the people person.
i have an ivy league degree and couldn't get ahead (as i wish) not that i was used to handed a silver platter but b/c of my ppl skill (well i was told). i tend to appreiciate ppl's work ethnic instead of where they go to school. really..it's not that important. i've met someone didn't have a ivy league degree and got a job at the UN and lived in europe for a couple of years. it's really the person not the degree that defines you.
GO TO THE COMMUNITY COLLEGE..YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS WAITING FOR YOU AHEAD.

LOL as one of my mentors/professors always said "It's not the degree, it's the wall...stupid."