[PrincessMe]

Originally Posted by twiggers

One final one tonight....

I have never gotten along with my stepfather. He was
so mean to me growing up and always treated me 10
times worse than my half-brother and sister. He would
"punish" me and smack me around and "spank" me with a
ping pong paddle, one time giving me a fat lip for
backhanding me in the face, and my mom never did
anything about it. She refused to believe it. So this
has caused problems with my family and eventually led
to me not speaking to my Mom. Recently my mom and him
were having marital problems and she came down to
visit. During that time a "friend" of hers was in town
and they were having an affair. I secretly thought
that if I called my stepdad and told him that they
would get a divorce and he would be out of my life.
He didn't believe me and it backfired in my face
horribly. They are "working their problems out". This
summer after this all happened my grandfather passed
away, and he took it far enough to forbid me to go the
funeral or he would kick me out. I ended up going, and
he didn't show up. To his own fathers funeral. I'm
such a horrible person for saying this, but sometimes,
I really wish something terrible would happen to him.

this is so aweful..ur mom is supposed to protect you and put you first and what that man did to you..im so sorry this has all happened to you..i know how you feel, something similar happened to me and it makes me so angry, so hurt, i have to try and not think about it..please pm if you need to talk ever

[Megs]

Love seeing more!!

[Zophie]

Originally Posted by twiggers

You are not alone....I love my dog more than I do most people in my life!!!!!

me too.

[pinkgoldfish]

Oh my, some of the secrets really break my heart!

When reading these, you realise once again there's so much pain in the world, even in those families and with those people you would swear everything is going great

[ohdahling]

Originally Posted by twiggers

Another

I masturbate about two times a day.
I tell people I eat healthier then I really do.
I really want people to think I'm beautiful.
I talk to myself all the time.
I stand naked in front of the mirror and pull weird faces for my own amusement.
I wish I was less judgemental.
I wish I enjoyed reading classics, but I only like trash.
One day I'm going to have sex in a public place
One day I'm going to fall in real love
One of these fine days I'm going to be a millionaire.
I think I genuinely have a really good singing voice.
I wish I could go back in time so I could tell you I loved you and I would kiss you and maybe things would have worked out differently, and maybe we would have been realer. I wish so badly that night you had taken me into my room and we would have had sex, I wish you hadn't left that night, I wished when you picked me up and twirled me around it would have lasted for absolutely ever. I still feel emotionally attached to you and I can't seem to let go. Your in my dreams, I try to pretend your not welcome, but you are, you know. Your very much so welcome. I cant handle me not seeing you every day. I cant handle the fact that it is all to likely I'll never see you again. I can't handle the fact that this is really come to end, and I especially cannot handle the fact that slowly day by day I am training myself to love you less and less.

What frank and utter honesty.
Hugs.

[gettinpurseonal]

I do have advice for you because it sounds like I was reading a story about myself a few years ago. The only thing is, now I regret losing my wonderful husband. I did not accept him the way he was, I tried to change him because I did not understand why he acted the way he did. So he was unhappy and became unhappier, creating the scowl you are referring to, the lack of involvement (he never even played with our kids). But now that we are divorced and the kids are older, he is so good to the kids (except that he lives in another state now!) and I feel the guilt that I have ruined my children's lives, as well as become a single mother living below the poverty level. I say, do everything you can to be a wonderful wife who dotes on her husband and gives him what HE wants because it just may come back to you 10 fold. By the way, my ex is very generous with, on top of child support, gifts for me, clothes for the kids, and extra money for cheerleading, scouts, and other things. I now see that he was always very generous and I was being selfish, resenting the fact that I had to give up my job for him (he is military). Really examine yourself and throw away your pride - put him on a pedestal even if he doesn't deserve it, because it is FAAAAAAAAR easier than being a single mother - I can work, and I can be a mother, but somebody always gets cheated when I try to do both, and usually it's the kids, and now they hardly ever see their father. This is the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.

Originally Posted by twiggers

Another:

I'm not looking for advice, I know what the advice would be, but, i just don't have the guts to do it.

I am just so unhappy. I haven't loved my husband for a while now. years at best. he drives me crazy. he is demanding and critical. He has a terrible temper and over reacts to everything. No matter if it is a small thing or a big thing, everyone is treated like it is the end of the world. I just can't take it anymore. he works hard and makes a good living, but, does nothing else for the house or for us (sorry, he does do the laundry).

It kills me when I see how other men treat their wives. how they cook or clean or want to do things to make her happy and all he cares about is if he is happy. Work comes first which means, no taking our children to school, no taking time off to spend a few hours in their classroom, nothing like that. And, believe me, it's not like he has an important job. he is not a doctor or brain surgeon, the earth would not fall apart if he went to work late. The second he comes home, the questioning starts. Nothing can be a simple answer, he has to ask 20 questions about everything and then gets annoyed when I don't have every minute (sp?) detail for him. the moment he walks in the door he finds something to complain about. it might be something small, but, still, it is there. We eat what he wants for dinner, no making whatever I want and he eats, because he won't and will demand I make him something he wants/likes. So, I have found it easier to just make what he wants and deal with it. He has to know every penny I spend and not because we can't afford it, but because he has to track every single penny spent, just so he knows. Even if I spend $10 at the drug store, he must know. I hate that! he says he isn't asking to be nosy, he just needs to keep the budget, drives me crazy.

he is one of these people that walks around with a terrible expression on his face all the time, he says he is thinking. he blows up at the slightest thing and you never know what will set him off. then he will act like nothing happened and expect you to act the same. the whole world revolves around him and everyone better understand that.

I just don't love him at all. I know this is horrible, but there are plenty of days I wish he would just die, i wouldn't even be sad (except for the fact that my kids would miss him). Life would be so much easier.

[twiggers]

Early morning secrets:

I have been playing online poker for a living for 2 years now, right after I graduated from college. I got into poker as a hobby for fun in college and caught on quick and discovered I had a knack for cards.

I now play poker for big stakes on several online poker websites. Although I do work for myself and make my own honest living, sometimes I feel like my time in college was wasted since I am not putting my university degree to use. I have also played in the World Series of Poker with a 10k buy in, and won a trip to Monte Carlo to participate in a huge European poker tournament with a 13k buy in.

Most poker pros are men and it is rare to find a woman playing huge stakes, especially online. Overall, I am happy with it since the money I make is great, and it supports me and my shopping habits ( i love purses, clothes and shoes!) but sometimes I wonder if I should be doing something else with my life, rather than sitting at the computer all day. Some people don't think playing poker is a respectable job so I only tell people who are close to me. Otherwise, to people I first meet I tell them i work as an "online investor." I wish that poker professionals would get more respect and not be seen as just crazy gamblers.

[twiggers]

Another:


1) I used to date a royal guy from the ruling family ..

2) I just saw my late uncle's Picture Last year .. ( he passed away back in 1984/1985) and i could finally got a picture of him through my cousin ( his niece) last year ..

3) my friends think im the luckiest, prettiest, richest, highest educated amongst them.. when i think myself that im a LOSER ..

[twiggers]

Another:

My childhood was awful, I don't blame my parents, I think that they were locked into their own miseries & couldn't be bothered with my brother & I.
Some kids at school couldn't play with me because my parents were divorced. That hurt.
My mother has been married 7 times & my dad was married 4 times. M brother & I were shipped from relative to relative, always knowing that we were temporary.
I didn't marry until I was 29. I have been married for almost a quarter of a century now, my husband is wonderful, my marriage is everything I always hoped for, I have 2 wonderful children, they say their friends envy their family life. My kids say we have the perfect family. And we do, it's the family I always wanted when I was growing up.
I'm still that hurt girl inside, I will always carry the pain of my parent's rejection with me. My brother couldn't handle it finally & took his life 11 years ago.
When I see other children living marginal lives, I wish I could save them all.

[gettinpurseonal]

Oh Sweetie, I don't think people would judge you. My heart goes out to you. What a brave and unselfish thing you did! I am far too selfish to ever give up a child for adoption. My secret (not so anonymous secret) is that I got pregnant at 15 and had an abortion. My blessing is that I now have 2 beautiful children that I wouldn't have if I had had the first baby. But what will I tell my children? It is hard to face them sometimes knowing I had a baby like that inside me. My consolation is I was only 6 weeks when I aborted so it did not look like a baby. I think my baby is in heaven waiting for me one day. I was scared. My mom had told me if I ever got pregnant she would kick me out. I come from a very educated family (all doctors & lawyers & famous political figures including 2 presidents and a couple of civil war generals) but when I was young my mom was an emotional wreck, physically and mentally abusive, and crazy, and I found a boyfriend because I needed to be loved by someone.

I am so sorry that you not only had to go through giving up a baby, but later regretted that decision. There will be a reward for you one day. That child will love you and know you are the biological mother and understand. I hope you are able to be involved in the child's life.

Originally Posted by twiggers

Another Secret Emailed:

This takes alot to get off my chest. And even tho I
know it will be anonymous, I know people will judge.
When My Fiance and I started dating I became pregnant
and we told no one about it at first. We weren't
financially stable and I didn't want to bring a child
into the world and make them suffer. It all sounds
selfish now but in my heart I think I did the best
thing. I went through and entire 10 month pregnancy
without telling any of our family members, and when
she was born she was placed for adoption. No one
knows, except for us, and now the internet, ironic
enough. She lives 10 miles away from us now, and
things of course took a turn for the better for us
abot 6 months after she was born. I live every day
with regret and wonder if I had just held out and
fought through everything she could be with us now.

[gettinpurseonal]

Ha ha, I have no shame. I don't even need to be anonymous to post my secrets. I had bulimia and anorexia from age 15 to 25 (I'm now almost 39). My life was a living hell. At times I got down to 89 lbs about the size or a little smaller than Nicole Richie at her thinnest (I'm now 112 and still considered very thin - can't believe I used to weigh 23# less!). At least an alcoholic can stay completely away from alcohol or a smoker can give up cigarrettes (I used to smoke, I know). But to give up food? Impossible. I would eat, then eat a little more, then feel like, "What's a few more bites?" and sometimes see delicious desserts and pizza that I thought were too fattening (I have always been very small, never overweight by any means) so I would eat as much as I could until my stomach was going to burst and then throw up. One time I kept doing it over and over again - 18 times! I made myself whole batches of cookies, ate whole 1/2 gallons of ice cream. I ate "good" food first, like apples or bread (but it really does ball up in your stomach) in case it got digested. I was able to stop when I got pregnant with my son because I finally had "permission" to gain weight. I think I was afraid to disappoint people by gaining weight. And I just looooooooooooved food! But now I eat everything in moderation and never worry if I will gain weight. If I want cheesecake, I have 1/2 a piece. I eat it slowly and enjoy it, and if I want the other 1/2, I'll eat it! But it's much more fun to find a friend to share it or save it for the next day. If anybody here has an eating disorder, you can PM me. I feel your pain!!!

I now have a "hiatal hernia" which is where the stomach pushes up through a diaphragm and basically is where your esophogus is. It sometimes causes pain. You can burst your esophagus, which I never knew during the time I was throwing up. Who knows what damage I did to my body.

Originally Posted by twiggers

Another Secret(s) This Was All From The Same Person:
I used to make myself throw up and would starve myself, now my fingers and toes are cold at night.
back?

[nataliam1976]

first of all i really think you should have respected OP`s wish not to get advice. I also
think that your situation is so much different from what she has described that it can not be compared AT ALL...plus you say yourself its only after the divorce your husband really started caring about his kids ...maybe he needed the divorce to have his eyes opened? But then you say he lives in another state but is good to the kids, so basically he is just caring for them in a financial way ( u say he is so generous, extra gifts, extra expenses covered but i dont see a word about him visiting them and being a real father to them). And if he is so overgenerous to you and helping you out financially in so many ways, you still live below poverty level? i am sorry, it just doesnt add up.

Originally Posted by gettinpurseonal

I do have advice for you because it sounds like I was reading a story about myself a few years ago. The only thing is, now I regret losing my wonderful husband. I did not accept him the way he was, I tried to change him because I did not understand why he acted the way he did. So he was unhappy and became unhappier, creating the scowl you are referring to, the lack of involvement (he never even played with our kids). But now that we are divorced and the kids are older, he is so good to the kids (except that he lives in another state now!) and I feel the guilt that I have ruined my children's lives, as well as become a single mother living below the poverty level. I say, do everything you can to be a wonderful wife who dotes on her husband and gives him what HE wants because it just may come back to you 10 fold. By the way, my ex is very generous with, on top of child support, gifts for me, clothes for the kids, and extra money for cheerleading, scouts, and other things. I now see that he was always very generous and I was being selfish, resenting the fact that I had to give up my job for him (he is military). Really examine yourself and throw away your pride - put him on a pedestal even if he doesn't deserve it, because it is FAAAAAAAAR easier than being a single mother - I can work, and I can be a mother, but somebody always gets cheated when I try to do both, and usually it's the kids, and now they hardly ever see their father. This is the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.

[Nishi621]

Originally Posted by gettinpurseonal

I do have advice for you because it sounds like I was reading a story about myself a few years ago. The only thing is, now I regret losing my wonderful husband. I did not accept him the way he was, I tried to change him because I did not understand why he acted the way he did. So he was unhappy and became unhappier, creating the scowl you are referring to, the lack of involvement (he never even played with our kids). But now that we are divorced and the kids are older, he is so good to the kids (except that he lives in another state now!) and I feel the guilt that I have ruined my children's lives, as well as become a single mother living below the poverty level. I say, do everything you can to be a wonderful wife who dotes on her husband and gives him what HE wants because it just may come back to you 10 fold. By the way, my ex is very generous with, on top of child support, gifts for me, clothes for the kids, and extra money for cheerleading, scouts, and other things. I now see that he was always very generous and I was being selfish, resenting the fact that I had to give up my job for him (he is military). Really examine yourself and throw away your pride - put him on a pedestal even if he doesn't deserve it, because it is FAAAAAAAAR easier than being a single mother - I can work, and I can be a mother, but somebody always gets cheated when I try to do both, and usually it's the kids, and now they hardly ever see their father. This is the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.

Wow-I am just going to say that I think if someone asks for no comments, we should respect that.

[gro3602]

I have just read all posts in this thread and some posts are heartbreaking.

I don't want to sound like a "know-it-all" , "Dr. Laura" type, but I am one of the older members here w/ many more years of life's experiences.

Here are some points that have helped me, my children, family, and friends.

1. No one is perfect. You will not ever be perfect. Try not to take mistakes you have made too seriously - move on - Lesson learned.

2. You cannot choose your parents.

3. Your job should be just that. A JOB. Generally, your husband and children should come first. If your job is seriously too stressful, time to move on. In so many cases, quitting a job could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

4. If you have problems in your marriage, get marriage counseling. If your spouse will not attend, go without him. You will learn to change your behavior towards your spouse which will either: Change his behavior or give your the courage and strength to leave.

5. Try not to dwell on the past. You cannot change what happened. Focus on the future. So many try to "numb" these feelings by using drugs and/or alcohol, which makes it worse.

6. You know the saying, if you are in physical pain, most likely you will see a physician. Why not take the same approach w/ emotional pain.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT -


Hope this helps!!

[gettinpurseonal]

I'm sorry! I saw a link to this thread and posted before reading any of the rules. I just read through the whole thing and now I see that there is a note that says not to give advice. Sometimes I can be unobservant and lame and just read over things or not really understand that the person really "did not want advice!". I even posted back that "I do have advice..." but it was not to be mean. I am just sometimes not very bright & didn't think about what I was doing. Sorry!!!