Open Letters: Dear...

[nataliam1976]

Dear friends of my SO, that I got to meet for the first time yesterday,

I am absolutely delighted for you that you are such laid back, relaxed people. I just wish you realised that chain smoking for 3 hours with a non smoking guest present without being bothered to ask if the guest minds, is not cool, its just plain rude. I regret that your 8 month old baby that has to inhale that every day cant talk yet, because I am sure he would give you an earful as well.

And no, putting your giving birth and post giving birth half naked pictures on your screensaver visible for everyone at the table isnt that cool either.

Dear SO,

Im sorry you think that Im being unreasonable giving out about the fact that you knowing well about my health problems didnt let me know that everyone there except for us would smoke one after another. Im sorry that you think they as hosts dont have obligation to ask and make sure everyone is comfortable with it, because "its their house" and they can do what they want. Im sorry that something that should be a common decency seems an impossible effort to you and you will not ask them not to smoke when we get invited there next time.

Somehow Im not regretting that I wont see them again.

Nat

[redney]

Originally Posted by twiggers

To my cat, Is there a reason you need to puke up hairballs at 3 AM right beside my side of the bed? Your , Mom

Sending this to my cat, too!

[Voodoo]

Originally Posted by twiggers

To my cat, Is there a reason you need to puke up hairballs at 3 AM right beside my side of the bed? Your , Mom

OMG Twiggers!!! I am LMAO.... I think all cats do this! Mine surely did!!!

[penance]

I'll add :)

Dear crazy hamachi lady

I'm not so sure why you got so angry when I told you that we were out of yellowtail as we're not the only sushi restaurant in the area and I thought it was plain childish of you, a grown woman, to slam your CC onto my counter. However I still wished you a 'nice day' but choke on that little piece of fish next time

[missjenny2679]

Dear MAC makeup girls,
Thank you for telling me how much you liked my bag....and my sweater coat....and my nail polish.....and my.....SERIOUSLY, if you all buttered me up any more I probably could have slid out the door on my a**!!

[madamefifi]

Dear Boss;

Thank you so much for stating that my attendance at work is "adequate". I am not sure how to improve since I haven't called out sick ONE TIME in over a year, except for that one day when my GRANDMOTHER DIED. I suppose I could make sure my relatives know what my work schedule is so that they could be extra careful not to get sick or die on a day when I have to work. Perhaps I should consult with your various BFFs who call out at least once a week, call out on Thursday for the entire weekend, call out at the last minute so that finding a replacement nurse is impossible, or don't even show up at all but when they are called at home to find out why they aren't at work, simply state "oh I'm sick" and hang up the phone. I am sure that their attendance is completely satisfactory, since they STILL HAVE JOBS.

Sincerely, Nurse Mary



Dear Kitty-cats:

Breakfast time is when I or your daddy get up. It is NOT at 2 AM, 3 AM, or 4 AM, or any combination of those times. Trying to dig a hole through the wall, running back and forth across the bed, dragging your paws up and down the Venetian blinds, knocking things off the dressers and bedside tables, or howling as if Timmy were stuck in the well will only result in your immediate eviciton from the bedroom.

Thank you, Mommy

[babieejae1101]

Dear BFF,
Please get rid of your friends with benefits! He is never going to marry you, so stop thinking he will. He's a piece of crap who screws other people and without condoms and drinks 24/7. You are worth more then that piece of crap!
Sincerely,
Your BFF


Dear the PP exhibitionist,
Thanks for not calling me after we hooked up! You were supposed to be my friend! btw, you have crappy communication and you screw like a 75 year old and not a 24 year old!
Sincerely,
your bio 109 buddy!

[SimplyMe]

Dear Prank Caller,

Thank you for calling the house at 4am and waking everyone up. I'm sure you were just calling to see if anyone was still up. And I'm sure you didn't mean any harm by scaring my mom. She just had a sleepless night that's all. Thank you for calling when I wasn't home and even blocking your number. If only I had your number I would be able to accompany you and call you everyday at 4 in the morning as well.

[candace117]

I don't like to speak ill of other people's family members...
but...



AW#IO%UQWIOJFCLKSDjfa/sEKrhjWAI?RUSLKFJSALKERJWLAKJRALKSJFASDFA!!!!!!!!! !!!!


That doesn't really count does it?

Originally Posted by razorbackbelle0

Dear former family members: Thanks for promising my grandmother on her deathbed that you wouldn't fight over her large estate. To my uncle: thanks for hitting my mom when she told you that the money didn't matter and the family was more important; you're the reason I left my dream life in Florida to move back here-- to be with my mom because you and your brother, her brothers, are such bastards that you would HIT my mom when she was just trying to make peace. To both uncles, thanks for stealing over $100k out of my grandmother's checkbook to fund your new corvettes and bailing my cousins out of jail. Thanks to my cousins for stealing money from my grandma and not even considering going to rehab for your drug addiction. To my other uncle: I so love how you got caught re-selling thousands of dollars of drill bits,claiming they were destroyed and pocketing the profit. That's called EMBEZZLING, and I'm so glad you got fired from the oil drilling company for it. I think it's funny that no one will hire you now because of what you did. It's even funnier how, your boss would have let you keep your job if you had just admitted to stealing the drill bits and reselling them, but you lied to his face right before he showed you the proof. Smart move, dumbass. To my aunts: thanks for being gold-digging whores who are just in it for the money. To all of you: thanks for ripping our family apart and being so greedy and selfish. I got Rose's (my grandma) cookware. Because she taught me how to cook. The money that was supposed to go towards me in the trust, but didn't because you crooks stole it? I don't even care. I don't need it. I am the only one who's done it ALL on her own and I am DAMN PROUD of that fact. I know Bob & Rose would be proud of me, and that's all I wanted. Thanks for making my mom cry every night, and thanks for not honoring my grandmother's dying wish: peace in the family. Thanks for forging my grandpa's signature to get the mineral rights to his gas wells signed over to you so you could steal more money. But most of all? Thanks for the look of horror and disbelief on your faces when I showed you the diamond engagement ring Rose gave me secretly my Freshman year of college. Too bad it's not in the trust! It's never coming off my finger. Why? Because my grandpa had it custom-made for my grandma, and she gave it to me. That's the best feeling in the world.

[Roo]

Dear New Neighbors,

I'm very happy you bought the house that is three lots down from us. We love the area where we live because we all have 1 acre lots that are wooded with old growth cedars.

I want you to know how disturbed we, and all your other neighbors are that within days of moving in, you cut down ALL THE TREES around your house. Not only did we have to listen to chain saws and wood chippers from dawn till dusk, but you did all of this without a permit from the county. Which is against the law since this area is considered 'old growth'.

We also noticed that you hired a logging company to take away the trees. We assume you sold them for a pretty penny. Not only that, but you completely ruined the privacy of the neighbors on each side of you. One of them even told me you cut trees that were on his side of the property line. You did this massive tree eradication without even surveying your property to make sure the trees were YOURS.

This area is known for being rural and rustic. If you didn't want a house with trees around it, then you should have moved to an urban suburb.

In the mean time, on behalf of myself and all your other neighbors,

YOU SUCK.

Love,
Roo

[Pursegrrl]

To whomever broke into my BF's house yesterday...

F*CK YOU. What gives you the right to smash a boulder through his back slider door and break into his home in broad daylight?

You obviously have no respect or concern for anyone's personal property. You have no idea how hard he works to keep a nice home, take care of his young daughters, business travel, plus dealing with a wacky ex wife.

You are such effin' amateurs. After you broke into the house you only managed to take a watch and the coin jar on his nightstand despite numerous other valuable devices nearby. Was it worth your sh*ts & giggles/crack hit/whatever you need for all that?

And are you the same slimey turds who used to do donuts in his front yard at night until he put those spikes along the edge of the lawn by the driveway? Are you??

We will find you and track you down. And when we do I will personally rip your spines out and show them to you.

Hugs,
Pursegrrl

[merika]

To All My Family,

Yes it does take a village to bring up a child. To my aunts and cousins who thought an education was important and who gave me money "for anything you might need"; thank you. For my cousin who said "If you want anything, just ask" and when I asked, gave me what I needed - you're the brother I never had. To my uncle, who's been the most wonderful brother my mother could have - you've been the rock that my mom and I relied on ever since dad died and thank you for being kindest and most generous person I know. To all my family, my aunts, uncle and cousins who take care of my mom and have been there for her during all these years and look after her in my absence...I don't know how I can ever repay you except to pay it forward. I love you and I miss all of you and I can't wait to see you again.

[Tracy]

Dear Neighbors,
When will your house be finished? Oh, how I love looking across the street and seeing your unfinished, shambles of a house and yard. It's that time if year again, time for the caterpillar excavator thing to be digging up your yard.....forever digging up your yard....and slowly driving me crazy w/ the noise. Everyday from 5:00 to 6:00, just in time for dinner. Oh, and soon there will be the smells of your burning......and when the wind blows and my windows are open it will smell like my house is burning down. I love it. I know you have walls now, but seriously, I don't know how your wife lives like that. I would have left 2 years ago.
Now I see you are taking trees from a tree service, to split, season and sell. More crap to add to the existing crap in your yard.
DH and I should place bets on when you will actually finish. I have a feeling it will be NEVER.
Thanks for your neighborly consideration, fed up neighbor

[madamefifi]

oh boy, this could get addictive....





Dear Co-worker,

It may surprise you to know that, incredibly, Easter happens every spring without fail. So if you want the Easter weekend off, all you have to do is consult a calendar in, say, January, and then make the appropriate arrangements. That way you won't have to whine and complain about how "tomorrow is Good Friday and I have to work", and then you won't have to call out sick on said Good Friday when now everyone knows you aren't really sick. I personally am anxious to know if you plan to be here tomorrow, which is Easter Sunday. But I'm sure we'll find out...2 hours before your shift is supposed to start.

Sincerely, Nurse Mary

[Nectarine25]

Dear almost Ex-Roommates,

Thank you for accusing me for everything that you brought upon yourself. I did not push you away from your home, you made the decision to move out earlier than needed. I have been extremely helpful and understanding and moved out for the time being so you could sort out your stuff in peace. I have offered to help you with your moves and tried not to be too excited about getting my own stuff in. Still you accuse me of pushing you out when all you have done past six months is make me feel like I'm an unwanted guest in my own home. Thank you.