Open Letters: Dear...

[guccimamma]

Originally Posted by dallas

Dear (Ex) Sister, I hope you are enjoying our deceased parent's land. It was so nice of you to make dad change his Will and deny ownership of the property. Our parents paid you and your fat slug of a husband for the land, but you never gave them the title, so legally you were home-free weren't you? No evidence. All you had to do was wait until they died and it was all yours. You're damn lucky Mum went first because you would never have bullied her, she would have set you and your slimey weak-kneed husband on your ar$e$ for sure. You frightened our dad, that poor sick old man, you destroyed his first Will - you know, the fair one that left the estate to their beloved grandchildren - and you got it all. So. Congratulations, it's all yours. Oh, one more teeny thing... when the time is right and you're feeling especially smug, you'll be getting some pictures in the mail. Happy snaps, if you will. Of your loyal, honest husband. I only wish I could be there to see your face...

i wish i could be there to see her face too!

[LVShoeFan2]

Originally Posted by dallas

Dear (Ex) Sister, Oh, one more teeny thing... when the time is right and you're feeling especially smug, you'll be getting some pictures in the mail. Happy snaps, if you will. Of your loyal, honest husband. I only wish I could be there to see your face...

I think I love you.

[socaltrojan]

Dear Rude and Unprofessional Attending Physicians EVERYWHERE:

Thanks for giving all doctors and med students a bad rap! You make it that much easier for us to get through to our patients.

Thanks for treating your nurses like crap and your medical students and residents like your personal slaves!

We med students really appreciate having the extra time to ourselves to get you coffee in the morning. What could be more enjoyable?!?!?

As we stroll to the coffee cart every freaking morning we think about how much we love working with you. Thanks for teaching us EVERYDAY what NOT to do to our patients! We also thoroughly enjoy your complaining about crumbling society and how bad you really have it.

We love how you think you are the greatest gift to us all and how we should all bow down to you in your presence. I am sure if we could have a supreme dictator of the hospital, people would jump up and down to nominate you.

Your torture has truly made us stronger people and I cannot thank you enough for that.

Thanks for being such a great jackass! We hope you have fun with your trophy wife at dinner while we are still working. We all love her and we know how she loves you for your amazing personality and not your bank account. We truly hope your denial isn't everlasting!

With LOVE from the coffee cart!

Your Medical Students

[socaltrojan]

Originally Posted by guccimamma

dear hot looking neighbor up the street, thank you for dressing up so nicely every morning in your braless tank tops and low waisted sweatpants. the high heels are especially nice when walking the kids to school at 7 am. i am sincere in my thanks, because my husband and all of the other husbands love to watch you bounce down the street. they gladly take the kids to school just to watch you. i get to stay home and drink coffee!

This is the best! HILARIOUS! Thanks for making me laugh! I really needed to with exams next week!

[Glitz & Glamour]

Originally Posted by Sunshine

I was not going to write this but somehow thought it might make me feel good let it out... Dear Dad, I wish I would have known you were going to die the next day. I just knew you were going to be ok in a few days. When I hugged you goodbye and told you I loved you i had no idea that would be the last time we spoke. Your death brought pain in my heart that I have never known. The days that followed your death were the worst times of my life. Choosing your grave site, and your casket made me so ill I could not speak. Tears were just not enough. I could not breathe at your funeral, I was numb with grief for months which turned into years. I can breathe again, I can remember you and smile. I wish I could have changed things for you, made your heart hurt a little less. I want you to know there is not a day I do not think about you, miss you, remember things we talked about, all the things you taught me. I often wonder if you are proud of the things I have done now that you are gone. Being your daughter was one the most special things in my life. There is no way to fill that void. I never realized how much your unconditional love was something that was a HUGE part of who I am. I want to thank you, you meant the world to me. I am strong because of you, I am loyal, kind, respectful, and proud because of you. I hope you are watching over us, we all miss you but most of all your little girl will always be your little girl. If I could have just a moment, I would love to just tell you one more time how much you mean to me. I will see you again one day...until then, keep well....I miss you. Love, your little busy bee.

My father passed away 8 years ago today....He was everything to me. All day long I kept thinking about how much I miss him. How appropriate that I should come across this post today. It brought me to tears, but I could have not said this any better. Thank you.

[rachieface]

^^^^^ I agree with this (even though it's my grandfather.) It's nice to see that someone has the same exact thoughts as you do. ::

[candace117]

Dear Iraq,
I hope when I visit you next year that you won't try to kill me. Maybe we could be friends. I kind of have that habit of making friends out of enemies and I don't think this time will be much different - unless I'm being naive. I hope you don't make my rifle too dirty so it stops functioning properly, that is a real b!tch to fix. I am also not looking forward to that whole acclimation thing. I had a hard enough time adjusting to Arizona in February. Please don't kill my husband when he's out flying around saving people's lives, that would be ironic and while I normally appreciate irony, I think I would go bat-ape-sh!t on you.
I also hope that all the people that cheat on their spouses in the conexes and tents get caught and shamed in front of everybody, or at least are put in a position where I can make fun of them for being idiots. I also hope that I beat everybody at Halo and Guitar Hero. I am thankful to the Air Force for being so high maintenance, and that I get to reap the benefits of that by being based somewhere with 2 swimming pools, the largest MWR center in the region, lobster tail and steak days at the chow hall, and coffee houses. Maybe there will even be a Coach section at the PX like there is over here in the states. It's like Disneyland, but with mortars.

Someday, Iraq, maybe we can be friends. Maybe you'll be able to forgive me, like I will be able to forgive you.

Sincerely...

[Pursegrrl]

Dear co-worker,

You pathetic scum bag. Thank you ever so much for throwing me and another project team member under the bus behind our backs to one of our Senior VPs by telling him something that we DID NOT DO.

You messed with the wrong girl, bro. You didn't know how good of a documenter I am with my projects. Yes, I can multi task like nobody's business. I can run our project meetings AND take notes trying to make sense of your spewing jibberish you bestow upon us every week. Thanks to the project documentation we CAUGHT YOU RED HANDED in a LIE. Shame on you.

And Senior VP, why is such behavior continually tolerated at this company? There's a reason we call one of your peers "ADD Boy" behind his back. Oops, did I say/write that outloud? Guess it doesn't matter anymore b/c this transparent overly-promoted incompetent drinking buddy of yours is leaving the company and we couldn't be happier.

Love ya,
Pursegrrl

[Lexie2000]

Dear Ebay bidder,

Thank you for filling my inbox with your lovely games of 200 Questions. I won't remind you that all 200 questions are answered in the auction if you only had read it. I like to repeat myself over and over.

Oh certainly I will consider selling my 500.00 bag to you for 45.00. I am so touched by hearing you are on a tight budget and already bought 3 bags this week or that you are a starving student with champaigne taste and a beeer budget.

Why am I selling this bag? Surely because I want to feel what real remorse and regret feels like. What is wrong with the bag that I am selling it? I'm sorry to have omitted that my cat's litter box was too dirty last week and that we just fumigated our house for Roaches and now the bag smells like Roach spray. Included in the auction is some Clariton.

I am sorry your brother stole your money from your wallet to buy his bag of weed. I do still need the money. Can I send the bag to you now and you pay next week? Can you give me a hamburger today if I pay you next Tuesday? Will Walmart give you groceries for an IOU?

Thank you for your bid,
Your bending over to please you seller

[queenvictoria2]

Dear Rude customer sitting next to me at the Nail Salon:

I do not know why you thought NOW would be a good time to pick up your cell phone and ask " Do you have time to talk?" I go to get my nails done for RELAXATION and really did not care to hear your whole conversation .... I now know more about you then I ever cared to or should ....
how you and your BF have a son together and have a 10 year age difference, how your friend is STILL seeing that "Jerk" that is 10 years older than her, how hard it was for you to train your new puppy, that you have gall stones... OMG! WHO CARES! Hang up your stupid cell phone and save it for PRIVATE!

[Minimouse]

Dear ex-next door neighbor,

Thank you for the consideration you showed me during the year you lived in the apartment next door. I truly appreciated you coming over in your see-through negligee after work and for standing there in front of my boyfriend, whilst you held up your ample bosom, and asked him if he thought you had put on weight. Thank you also for banging on my door urgently one night, desperate for a packet of condoms. I found this rather strange for a 50+ year old woman. Thank you for feeling sorry for me when I handed over the only packet I had, which had an expiry date over a year ago (story of my life!). I also thank you for apologizing incase I didn’t get any sleep that night and for checking back with me in the morning to see if I had in fact heard anything! You truly take some beating as a neighbor.

Sleepless in Saudi Arabia!

[margaritaxmix]

I think this is my new favorite thread...

[razorbackbelle0]

Dear former family members:

Thanks for promising my grandmother on her deathbed that you wouldn't fight over her large estate. To my uncle: thanks for hitting my mom when she told you that the money didn't matter and the family was more important; you're the reason I left my dream life in Florida to move back here-- to be with my mom because you and your brother, her brothers, are such bastards that you would HIT my mom when she was just trying to make peace. To both uncles, thanks for stealing over $100k out of my grandmother's checkbook to fund your new corvettes and bailing my cousins out of jail. Thanks to my cousins for stealing money from my grandma and not even considering going to rehab for your drug addiction. To my other uncle: I so love how you got caught re-selling thousands of dollars of drill bits,claiming they were destroyed and pocketing the profit. That's called EMBEZZLING, and I'm so glad you got fired from the oil drilling company for it. I think it's funny that no one will hire you now because of what you did. It's even funnier how, your boss would have let you keep your job if you had just admitted to stealing the drill bits and reselling them, but you lied to his face right before he showed you the proof. Smart move, dumbass. To my aunts: thanks for being gold-digging whores who are just in it for the money. To all of you: thanks for ripping our family apart and being so greedy and selfish.

I got Rose's (my grandma) cookware. Because she taught me how to cook. The money that was supposed to go towards me in the trust, but didn't because you crooks stole it? I don't even care. I don't need it. I am the only one who's done it ALL on her own and I am DAMN PROUD of that fact. I know Bob & Rose would be proud of me, and that's all I wanted.

Thanks for making my mom cry every night, and thanks for not honoring my grandmother's dying wish: peace in the family. Thanks for forging my grandpa's signature to get the mineral rights to his gas wells signed over to you so you could steal more money.

But most of all? Thanks for the look of horror and disbelief on your faces when I showed you the diamond engagement ring Rose gave me secretly my Freshman year of college. Too bad it's not in the trust! It's never coming off my finger. Why? Because my grandpa had it custom-made for my grandma, and she gave it to me. That's the best feeling in the world.

[Tracy]

Originally Posted by Minimouse

Dear ex-next door neighbor, Thank you for the consideration you showed me during the year you lived in the apartment next door. I truly appreciated you coming over in your see-through negligee after work and for standing there in front of my boyfriend, whilst you held up your ample bosom, and asked him if he thought you had put on weight. Thank you also for banging on my door urgently one night, desperate for a packet of condoms. I found this rather strange for a 50+ year old woman. Thank you for feeling sorry for me when I handed over the only packet I had, which had an expiry date over a year ago (story of my life!). I also thank you for apologizing incase I didn’t get any sleep that night and for checking back with me in the morning to see if I had in fact heard anything! You truly take some beating as a neighbor. Sleepless in Saudi Arabia!

Originally Posted by margaritaxmix

I think this is my new favorite thread...

me, too!

[dr. twiggers]

To my cat,

Is there a reason you need to puke up hairballs at 3 AM right beside my side of the bed?

Your , Mom