Open Letters: Dear...

[bisbee]

And...by the way...this thread has a greater percentage of posts that have made me laugh out loud than any I've read. Ever.

[nolarice]

Originally Posted by LVShoeFan2

OMG back when I worked there was a woman who would do that to me. It drove me INSANE. I wanted to blast a big fart while she was talking just to see what she'd do. Unfortunately, I cannot always fart on command.

[tomifey]

Originally Posted by guccimamma

dear hot looking neighbor up the street,

thank you for dressing up so nicely every morning in your braless tank tops and low waisted sweatpants. the high heels are especially nice when walking the kids to school at 7 am.

i am sincere in my thanks, because my husband and all of the other husbands love to watch you bounce down the street. they gladly take the kids to school just to watch you.

i get to stay home and drink coffee!

[Beautylicious]

Dear Neighbour,

Yes, I know that you are good looking. Shame that you know it so well too. Because why in the world would you clean your windows at least once a week with no shirt on? Even when it's freezing and raining outside, but hey who cares if you'll catch a pneumonia?

Oh and did you think I wouldn't notice that you walk up to your car at least 10 times a day? Isn't it a pity you missed out on bumping into our lovely looking neighbour with the big big uh........ eyelashes for at least 9 times?

Don't know why you suddenly felt the urge to share the intimate details between you and your ex-girlfriend while I was on my way out to put the garbage bag outside. Believe me, I'm really not interested in hearing such things. Surely you must have seen that I was about ready to puke when you told me or at least that my eyeballs were popping out? Next time I will throw you out with the garbage, right there and then.


Please keep those gory details to yourself; a civil hello will do just fine for me.

Thank you.

[ValleyO]

Originally Posted by ~bastet

Dear Annoying Co Worker,
Please stop talking to me when I'm in the bathroom stall and then getting upset when I give short replies to your silly questions. I realize you recognize me by my shoes, but I really don't feel like having a conversation when I'm trying to pee. Also, I really, really don't want to hear an in depth discussion about your dog's most recent enema.

Thanks,
Someone who likes to pee in silence.

Originally Posted by LVShoeFan2

OMG back when I worked there was a woman who would do that to me. It drove me INSANE. I wanted to blast a big fart while she was talking just to see what she'd do. Unfortunately, I cannot always fart on command.

OMG

[Korilynn]

Dear DH's friend,

Please stop coming over unannounced to "help with this" and playing video games for 4 hours. Bringing your kids to my house means you are responsible for them. Just because I am home does not mean I want to babysit. You have kids and I have nice things, You break it, You bought it.

[Liz_x3]

Originally Posted by ~bastet

Dear Annoying Co Worker,
Please stop talking to me when I'm in the bathroom stall and then getting upset when I give short replies to your silly questions. I realize you recognize me by my shoes, but I really don't feel like having a conversation when I'm trying to pee. Also, I really, really don't want to hear an in depth discussion about your dog's most recent enema.

Thanks,
Someone who likes to pee in silence.

Ahh, I have to share this embarassing story LOL. Once when I was in a bathroom stall, I noticed someone get into the stall next to me and by looking at their shoes, I assumed it was a friend of mine. I reached underneath the divider and tapped on the shoe near me and said "_____!" There was silence from the other stall. I later discovered that it turned out to be some random girl. I was mortified... no clue what she was thinking!

[Sunshine]

I was not going to write this but somehow thought it might make me feel good let it out...

Dear Dad,

I wish I would have known you were going to die the next day. I just knew you were going to be ok in a few days. When I hugged you goodbye and told you I loved you i had no idea that would be the last time we spoke. Your death brought pain in my heart that I have never known. The days that followed your death were the worst times of my life. Choosing your grave site, and your casket made me so ill I could not speak. Tears were just not enough. I could not breathe at your funeral, I was numb with grief for months which turned into years. I can breathe again, I can remember you and smile. I wish I could have changed things for you, made your heart hurt a little less. I want you to know there is not a day I do not think about you, miss you, remember things we talked about, all the things you taught me. I often wonder if you are proud of the things I have done now that you are gone. Being your daughter was one the most special things in my life. There is no way to fill that void. I never realized how much your unconditional love was something that was a HUGE part of who I am. I want to thank you, you meant the world to me. I am strong because of you, I am loyal, kind, respectful, and proud because of you. I hope you are watching over us, we all miss you but most of all your little girl will always be your little girl. If I could have just a moment, I would love to just tell you one more time how much you mean to me. I will see you again one day...until then, keep well....I miss you.

Love, your little busy bee.

[ilzabet]

dear bff:

do us all a favor and just break up with him already. oh wait. you did that last week. and the week before. and the week before. for the last two years. i know you love him. i know you hate to be alone. but your flaky relationship has made you flake out on me TWICE in the last two weeks. i'm your most patient friend and i'm officially annoyed.

he's not going to change. you're not going to change. it's not going to work. we all see it. we wish you would too.

love
me and everyone else who knows you two

[xoxojuicy]

Dear Wacko Doctor,

Thanks so much for prescribing blood tests and x-rays for my 'pneumonia', and thanks for charging me $400 for them. There's just nothing more that I'd like to spend my money on! And what a sigh of relief when I learned that of course I didn't have pneumonia at all. You really calmed my fears!

Yours (not), an ex-patient

Dear Hospital Employee,

No, hearing about your new cockapoo does not lessen the pain of you jabbing a needle into my arm, especially when I wasn't ready. And the tape you put on my arm stuck so tight, I had to bathe my arm in oil to get it off. But no worries, I love to exfoliate! My skin is just so soft (and bruised). Thank you so much for your service.

Yours (not), an ex-patient

[nolarice]

Sunshine~~ {{{hugs}}}

[Nectarine25]

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

Thank you for being so mature and breaking up with me by sending me a text message. That really felt good. You should have owned up to the situation and called. I was in a different country and couldn't tell you what I wanted. Thank you also for the 'Happy Birthday' two months later and the fact that you never answered to my reply asking how you've been. It's called Common Courtesy. Grow up!

[Nectarine25]

(((((Sunshine))))) that was just beautiful.

[margaritaxmix]

Dear Boy,

I made a mistake by calling a "break". I realized today just how much I really do love you and appreciate your company. I hope from the bottom of my heart that we can fix this because I need you. I know you're angry and confused with me but I'm willing to wait, as long as it takes, whatever it takes. If I've lost you with my impulsive decision, I don't think I could ever forgive myself. Your best friend says you want to try to make it work but you don't know what to do. The ball is in your court.

I love you, truly. Fingers crossed.

Love,
Me.

---

I know... young love. But this has given me a really hard time lately.

---

Sunshine: ((HUGS)) That letter is beautiful..

[dallas]

Dear (Ex) Sister,

I hope you are enjoying our deceased parent's land. It was so nice of you to make dad change his Will and deny ownership of the property. Our parents paid you and your fat slug of a husband for the land, but you never gave them the title, so legally you were home-free weren't you? No evidence. All you had to do was wait until they died and it was all yours. You're damn lucky Mum went first because you would never have bullied her, she would have set you and your slimey weak-kneed husband on your ar$e$ for sure. You frightened our dad, that poor sick old man, you destroyed his first Will - you know, the fair one that left the estate to their beloved grandchildren - and you got it all. So. Congratulations, it's all yours.

Oh, one more teeny thing... when the time is right and you're feeling especially smug, you'll be getting some pictures in the mail. Happy snaps, if you will. Of your loyal, honest husband. I only wish I could be there to see your face...