Location: Paris, New York and various other assorted cities.
Originally Posted by Roo
Being a stepmom/second wife is a serious test of one's sanity. Believe me, I've lived it. My husband and I recently got married after being together nearly a decade. I could write a book about the ex-wife insanity I've endured during that time. You have my sympathy!!!
You see, roo, there is your chance to write that book I have been begging you to write.
I like that roo mentions "during that time" which should give you hope that there will be an end to this madness!
I am so sorry that you are being treated that way at the moment. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to always hold your composure. This person is beneath you. Continue to take the high road and let her use the low one, which seems to be the only one she knows.
It seems when you come from older money, you are immediately responsible for all of the people who have decided to live the lifestyles they chose. If you take all of these people under your wing, they would bring you into their hole and no one would benefit.
I suspect the poor lady has plenty of reasons to be jealous of you. It is just too bad that she seems to be building her life around her spite. Don't let her pull you into it. I kind of feel sorry for her. You can find ways to not be in her company, she is stuck with herself.
Location: Paris, New York and various other assorted cities.
Originally Posted by tr444
I wish I had the guts you have. I have always been afraid of confrontation. I usually end up walked all over with my feelings shattered. And even then I don't say anything or stick up for myself. Bravo to you.....BRAVO!!!! Women like you give women like me hope!!!
you know, I think I kind of shocked some people...they all went "hey, you changed..." rescently...I think it has something to do with turning 40...I'm going there in a few months! I did a little emothional house cleaning. I got so tired of being the "oh, she is so sweet, she will do anything for anyone..." syndrome...I got tired of people befriending me against my will...you know "oh, you are such a good friend..." coming from people you probably wouldn't want to sit in the same resturaunt with let alone at the same table...
It's true, I am a very strong woman, but everyone needs a friend ...it is a bit borring to be there for all of these "less fortunate people" only to end up feeling abandoned when I could have used a little shoulder to cry on...
So, I just kind of told them how it was. Nicely, with dignity. End of story. It shocked them, and it shocked me, but it felt good. Some of them went away for good, some waited a few weeks and actually wanted to know how I was doing and how I was feeling....that was kind of nice. They can stay. They get it now. I don't care how much money you come from or what your background is, as long as you don't expect me to be responsible for your choices, I'm ok with that. I know that some of the most successful people in the world came from shacks. They inspire me. But, what inspires me is that they pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps. Your hubbies ex wife, Celesus, seems destined to stay in a pretty sad posisiton. You don't really have time to improve your life if you are too busy making someone elses miserable
I supposed I had trained people to treat me that way...well, look out world, this ole gal is turning 40 and doesn't have a lot of room for a bunch of crap anymore....hey, that feels pretty good...you should try it!
Old money guilt sucks. It's not your fault! Celesus!
I used to hate it when my grandma would say..."not our kind, dear" and tell me to smile and speak French with her so they would think we didn't speak English...now I get it. And, while I would not say "not our kind, dear" to my daughter. I have been desparatly trying to undo the old money guilt, "we have to lower ourselves and be their friends just because they chose us, and we are not snobs" way I have raised her!
My daughter and I pretended we didn't understand English on the last flight we took together. It was her suggestion, maybe she is learning!
That is so horrible. She is a miserable, miserable person. I agree with pidgeon, your fiance should have a nice "chat" with her. He should stand up for you! (not saying he hasn't ) You shouldn't have to deal with this crap. Your a good woman because many would have hit the road by now because of this. It proves you truly love him I hope things get better for ya!
Originally Posted by pidgeon92
You can obviously fight your own battles, but your fiance should tell her to back off. I'm all for togetherness for the sake of the children, but if she can't be civil when you are all together, he should tell her to stay away.
OH MY. You must extract that...er...person from your life.
Your writing was very witty though. What a trainwreck of a person!
If anyone wants an INCREDIBLE resource that is really geared toward moms and stepmoms (moreso than wives despite the name-everyone seems to have kids and/or stepkids and the issues revolve around that) this board is member-only and you will find so much support from the wonderful ladies here who have lived through some of the craziest and most frustrating experiences. You can vent and find someone-or many someones-that have been there too. Definitely worth joining! www.secondwivesclub.com
Wow! I think we were all doing a little hollywood-esque fist in the air-go girl! type thing while reading that!
Its so amazing that you had the grace to hold yourself back so long, clearly, she had it coming.
I had a complete nightmare with my husbands ex girlfriend for years after they split up. They only went out for about 2 summers, going home for the winters, but he moved permanently down to where I live when he started to see me. She'd come back into our lives at various points, & we guessed this was probably when she had broken up with a boyfriend. But every time it was a nightmare! Phone calls at all hours, weird letters, messages on our answer machine declaring undying love for him, then calling back a few seconds later in tears begging him to pick the phone up, then the next minute, writing more letters exclaiming what a great night she had had with him & how great it had been with him again etc, all really evil, vicious things designed to make me upset & throw him out. But she should have done her research better.... On several of the occasions he was supposedly with her he was actually with me. no question. I know this for a fact, because one of the days had been my birthday & we had gone away to celebrate it. She would just make up all sorts of bizzare stuff, & say things like she'd been speaking to his parents & how they had told her they wished he had never split up with her etc. all things again, that just weren't true. She would turn up at my work & send her friends to my work & then get her friends to ask my husband (then boyf at the time) when he was going to get back together with her & tell lies about me, like how they'd seen me getting into some mans car etc. But worst of all, she used to come round to our apartment & hammer on the door all night. ALL night! this was more than 4 years after they had split up!! It was just weird! she was rapidly turning into the stalker from hell!
I had been trying to find a away to keep the higher ground & not loose my composure, I didn't want her for one second to think she was getting to me or affecting our relationship. And one day it came! ahhh, blessed day!
I had orchestrated a sort of move away from my husbands old aquaintances (not his good mates, but just the casual ones who knew her) so we weren't in any direct contact with people who knew her. but she found us, the calls & letters again, after a silent period of about 6 months. In this time we had gotten married, but clearly, she didn't know this. A christmas card came, addressed to my husband, I recognised the writing right away. Inside it said;
To M(my DH's name) & your girlfriend, Merry Christmas from her name.
so I crossed out 'girlfriend', wrote wife & sent it back to her. We never heard from her again.
It felt soo good that I hadn't be forced to resort to sinking to her level but by golly! there were plenty of times when nothing, absolutely nothing would have given me more satisfaction! I do regret not being able to see her face as I dressed her down, that would have been priceless.....
Clearly, I have nothing on your horrendous experience, but I do sympathise. Hey, if any of you gals need help with revenge ideas just let me know, I thought up plenty to use on her.......
Thank you ladies ! for all the support, I really apreciate the props , I thought perhaps I had been too mean .... Here is the update from last night on ...
She complanes to my soon to be sister-in law about how I am nothing more that an spoiled rotten brat... blah blah blah ..Becky( MY SIL) Told her that ((finnialy)) She's not welcome to our famiely gatherings... to go away ect ... we will see how long that lasts , but for now validation ... She did ask Becky what I ment when I said the line " ... getting white trash all over my Spy Bag."