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Good Old Fashioned "Fun" Thread....Come On In!

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Nov 15, 2008, 6:10pm   #61
imashopaholic's Avatar
imashopaholic
when in doubt, shop!
Originally Posted by alfiebach
great keep them coming
laloki
imlkhih206
aurey11
imashopaholic, cound not see your pics, hope you are well :)
Hey lovely lady. Grrrr... naughty pics! They showed up for about an hour after I posted.
I will try again shortly. The joke is nothing without the piccies.
Hope you are well too hun.
Nov 15, 2008, 6:25pm   #62
imashopaholic's Avatar
imashopaholic
when in doubt, shop!
OK here we go again... Hopefully it'll work this time!

It was Friday morning, and that meant it was time for an activity
that the teacher called 'add to the picture'. The teacher would
call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student
would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following
student would add something to the picture to make it a new
picture. The teacher called on James to start things off.



James returned to his seat.
The teacher called on Ernie next.



Ernie returned to his seat.
Now it was Suzy's turn.



Suzy returned to her seat.
Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board.



Jerry returned to his seat.
Kim was called to the board.



Kim returned to her seat.
About this time, little Johnny began waving his arm hysterically. Little Johnny was well known for being off centre, so the teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on
the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that
little Johnny could possibly do anything to make this
picture dirty. So she called on little Johnny, and he ran
to the chalkboard.



The entire class erupted with laughter... the teacher fainted.
Nov 15, 2008, 10:12pm   #63
laloki's Avatar
laloki
Member
^ Too funny but very naughty
Nov 15, 2008, 10:15pm   #64
EMMY's Avatar
EMMY
Member
^^^ lmao!!!
Nov 15, 2008, 10:37pm   #65
laloki's Avatar
laloki
Member
When you have to visit a public bathroom, washroom or restroom you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume 'The Stance.'

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail .... ;

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.' ;

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.'

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?'

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Nov 16, 2008, 2:25am   #66
L
Londonholly
Member
Laloki, that is brilliant!!!!
Nov 16, 2008, 2:34am   #67
laloki's Avatar
laloki
Member
^ It is oh so true...I just wish I was the clever one that wrote it.
Nov 16, 2008, 2:59am   #68
laloki's Avatar
laloki
Member
Facts & Figures

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G !)


A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?!)


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


Butterflies taste with their feet
(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)


A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too)


Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Nov 16, 2008, 8:04am   #69
alfiebach's Avatar
alfiebach
Member
lakoki, i'm with you!!! wanna be a pig, and i am that women in the toilet lol, its like a military operation sometimes he he

imashopaholic, worth coming back for, i'm fine:), nice to see you around mwah
Nov 16, 2008, 8:07am   #70
alfiebach's Avatar
alfiebach
Member
i have toned this down
what do female parts !!!
toilet
anniversary
birthday
have in common........................
.....................men miss the lot of them :)
Nov 16, 2008, 8:13am   #71
alfiebach's Avatar
alfiebach
Member
Guts or Balls
there is a medical distinction, but do you know the difference??
GUTS, man arrives home late, after a night out with boys, met by wife with a broom, has the guts to ask"are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS, is coming home late, after a night out with the boys, smells of beer and perfume, lipstick on collar, slapping wife on the behind, and having the balls to say " your next"
Nov 16, 2008, 5:28pm   #72
Litigatrix's Avatar
Litigatrix
Wait for the end -- it's worth it!

Nov 16, 2008, 6:17pm   #73
alfiebach's Avatar
alfiebach
Member
i should not laugh, but too funny lol x
Nov 16, 2008, 6:56pm   #74
laloki's Avatar
laloki
Member
A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning while her Dad is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:

"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks shocked, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:

"And Tigger?"
Nov 17, 2008, 12:48am   #75
laloki's Avatar
laloki
Member
I love this pic

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