THE BEST BLACK FRIDAY SALES

Yoox

20% Off With Code: YOOXGIVING

Moda Operandi

Black Friday Sale

Neiman Marcus

Up To 40% Off Designer Sale

Saks Fifth Ave

Up To 60% Off Selected Styles

Nordstrom

Up To 40% Off

Net-A-Porter

Up To 50% Off Designer Sale

Bloomingdale's

Up to 50% Off Big Brown Bag Sale

ASOS

Black Friday 30% Off With Code: TGIBF
Home > >

Need help / critique on my cover letter

POST A REPLY
 
Thread Tools
Jun 10, 2011, 5:03am   #1
Sternchen's Avatar
Thread Starter
Sternchen
Member
Hi everyone,

I'm applying for a position at a very well known company here in Germany and the company requested that all resumes and cover letters be sent in English. Great! English is my native language... not so great is that I have been living in Germany for the past 5 years and seem to have forgotten how to write correctly I've never written a cover letter in english before so I'm not sure how to word things. Would you all mind having a look?

Quote:
Dear Sir or Madam,

Through your announcement on XXXXXX, I learned that XXXXXX is looking for a Financial Analyst for the Munich office. XXXXXX is a name that I long associate with social responsibility and customer focus.

I recently graduated from the University of Applied Sciences in XXXXXX with a Bachelors Degree in Business Administration. Through my concentrations Financial Services and Banking, Finance and Investment and along with various projects, I obtained sound standing knowledge in, amongst others, the following areas: capital budgeting, controlling, currency and interest management, risk management and portfolio management. The topic of my Bachelor Thesis was: „Currency Management for Countries with Restricted Currency Convertibility Using the Example of the People’s Republic of China.”

During my internship at XXXXXX in the HR-Reporting and Personnel Controlling department, I conducted weekly and monthly analyses of various HR operating figures including the analysis of target and actual personnel costs. In addition to these, I also played an active role in the preparation of monthly management reports and with budget preparation.
That's all I have for now. I am trying to figure out how to word the last paragraph.

Somewhere in the letter I want to say something along the lines of "A job at this company would give me the opportunity to apply my theoretial and practical knowledge in this field to the benefit of the company" but I'm not sure how to word it nicely.

Help?

PS: Since living here I seem to have forgotten when to capitalize words.. so if you see any mistakes, please tell me! :)
Jun 10, 2011, 9:45am   #2
frick&frack's Avatar
frick&frack
give thanks
please see my edits below...


Dear Sir or Madam,

Through your announcement on XXXXXX, I learned that XXXXXX is looking for a Financial Analyst for the Munich office. [alternatively: This letter is in response to your announcement in xxxxx for a Financial Analyst in your Munich office.] XXXXXX is a name that I long associate with social responsibility and customer focus [which aligns well with my core values and professional priorities].

I recently graduated from the University of Applied Sciences in XXXXXX with a Bachelors Degree in Business Administration. Through my concentrations Financial Services and Banking, Finance and Investment and along with various projects, I [had the opportunity to [I think this whole paragraph is unnecessary...they will learn this from your resume]

During my internship at XXXXXX in the HR-Reporting and Personnel Controlling department, I [gained real-life experience through] conduct[ing] weekly and monthly analyses of various HR operating figures including the analysis of target and actual personnel costs. In addition, I also played an active role in the preparation of monthly management reports and budget[s].




then you need to research the company to find at least one area where you think you can contribute or that you believe in (I can uniquely support your team because I was born & raised in the US, & I have lived in germany for the past 5 years. I understand & am comfortable with the mindset & needs of the home office and the local branch office...or something like that..or a different area where you align with them.). you should close with something like: I look forward to meeting with you to discuss your financial analyst position, & my ability to contribute to your team.
Jun 10, 2011, 12:09pm   #3
Sternchen's Avatar
Thread Starter
Sternchen
Member
Originally Posted by frick&frack
please see my edits below...


Dear Sir or Madam,

Through your announcement on XXXXXX, I learned that XXXXXX is looking for a Financial Analyst for the Munich office. [alternatively: This letter is in response to your announcement in xxxxx for a Financial Analyst in your Munich office.] XXXXXX is a name that I long associate with social responsibility and customer focus [which aligns well with my core values and professional priorities].

I recently graduated from the University of Applied Sciences in XXXXXX with a Bachelors Degree in Business Administration. Through my concentrations Financial Services and Banking, Finance and Investment and along with various projects, I [had the opportunity to [I think this whole paragraph is unnecessary...they will learn this from your resume]

During my internship at XXXXXX in the HR-Reporting and Personnel Controlling department, I [gained real-life experience through] conduct[ing] weekly and monthly analyses of various HR operating figures including the analysis of target and actual personnel costs. In addition, I also played an active role in the preparation of monthly management reports and budget[s].




then you need to research the company to find at least one area where you think you can contribute or that you believe in (I can uniquely support your team because I was born & raised in the US, & I have lived in germany for the past 5 years. I understand & am comfortable with the mindset & needs of the home office and the local branch office...or something like that..or a different area where you align with them.). you should close with something like: I look forward to meeting with you to discuss your financial analyst position, & my ability to contribute to your team.
Thanks for your help!

I'm sitting here working on the last paragraph. I also need to write what I can bring to the company. I want to say that I am a quick learner but I need to have evidence to back that up. Would this be okay?

My personal, educational and professional experiences in the United States and Germany have taught me how to work independently, in teams and how to adjust and react to new situations quickly.
Jun 10, 2011, 12:18pm   #4
Sternchen's Avatar
Thread Starter
Sternchen
Member
Sorry to be constantly asking for help!!

I want to also add a little diddy about how I had to work with my old job's international subsidiaries during that time. It would be implied that we spoke english, right?

Through the international orientation of XXXXXX, I was regularly in contact with its subsidiaries in the United States, Mexico, China and Turkey.

or rather...

Through the international orientation of XXXXXX, I was regularly in contact with its English-speaking subsidiaries in the United States, Mexico, China and Turkey.
Jun 10, 2011, 2:53pm   #5
g
gsmom
Account Deactivated
omg...i wish i could apply for a job in Munich..............even at McDonalds.
I know, i know. grass is always greener....
Jun 10, 2011, 3:18pm   #6
Sternchen's Avatar
Thread Starter
Sternchen
Member
haha, Munich is a really nice city! I never thought about living there though. But when I saw this job announcement I was like "OMG OMG OM GOMG OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMG!!! I NEED THIS JOB!!" The company is my most favorite company EVERRRR
Jun 10, 2011, 6:43pm   #7
dorcast's Avatar
dorcast
Member
The second paragraph is a bit confusing to me as it was wordy, so I gave you an edited version, but it might still need a little work. "And along with various projects" doesn't add anything- I think you would want to give an example of one of the projects and what you learned, or what knowledge you applied.

I recently graduated from the University of Applied Sciences in XXXXXX with a Bachelors Degree in Business Administration. Through my concentrations in Financial Services, and Banking, Finance and Investment, I obtained knowledge of capital budgeting, controlling, currency and interest management, risk management and portfolio management.

and the last part:

My personal, educational and professional experiences in the United States and Germany have taught me how to work independently, as well as in teams, and how to assess and adapt to new situations quickly.

Good luck!
Jun 11, 2011, 4:24am   #8
Sternchen's Avatar
Thread Starter
Sternchen
Member
Thanks for your help dorcast!

I thought the same thing about the second paragraph. There's just so much I want to say! I'm not a person who can keep it short and sweet
Jun 11, 2011, 1:56pm   #9
frick&frack's Avatar
frick&frack
give thanks
Originally Posted by Sternchen
Thanks for your help!

I'm sitting here working on the last paragraph. I also need to write what I can bring to the company. I want to say that I am a quick learner but I need to have evidence to back that up. Would this be okay?

My personal, educational and professional experiences in the United States and Germany have taught me how to work independently, in teams and how to adjust and react to new situations quickly.
^I think that you should tie what you can bring to the company's needs. research the company & their needs as well as their corporate culture.


Originally Posted by Sternchen
Sorry to be constantly asking for help!!

I want to also add a little diddy about how I had to work with my old job's international subsidiaries during that time. It would be implied that we spoke english, right?

Through the international orientation of XXXXXX, I was regularly in contact with its subsidiaries in the United States, Mexico, China and Turkey.

or rather...

Through the international orientation of XXXXXX, I was regularly in contact with its English-speaking subsidiaries in the United States, Mexico, China and Turkey.
^I prefer the 2nd version.
Jun 12, 2011, 12:19am   #10
Laurie8504's Avatar
Laurie8504
chocolate...where?
Originally Posted by frick&frack
please see my edits below...


Dear Sir or Madam,

Through your announcement on XXXXXX, I learned that XXXXXX is looking for a Financial Analyst for the Munich office. [alternatively: This letter is in response to your announcement in xxxxx for a Financial Analyst in your Munich office.] XXXXXX is a name that I long associate with social responsibility and customer focus [which aligns well with my core values and professional priorities].

I recently graduated from the University of Applied Sciences in XXXXXX with a Bachelors Degree in Business Administration. Through my concentrations Financial Services and Banking, Finance and Investment and along with various projects, I [had the opportunity to [I think this whole paragraph is unnecessary...they will learn this from your resume]

During my internship at XXXXXX in the HR-Reporting and Personnel Controlling department, I [gained real-life experience through] conduct[ing] weekly and monthly analyses of various HR operating figures including the analysis of target and actual personnel costs. In addition, I also played an active role in the preparation of monthly management reports and budget[s].

then you need to research the company to find at least one area where you think you can contribute or that you believe in (I can uniquely support your team because I was born & raised in the US, & I have lived in germany for the past 5 years. I understand & am comfortable with the mindset & needs of the home office and the local branch office...or something like that..or a different area where you align with them.). you should close with something like: I look forward to meeting with you to discuss your financial analyst position, & my ability to contribute to your team.
I disagree for the sole reason that a cover letter should be used (in part) to direct the readers attention to highlights on your resume, particularly if they are germane. I love what you added on the last part though!

OP, here's my take on it:

Quote:
Dear Sir or Madam,

Through your announcement on XXXXXX, I learned that XXXXXX is looking for a Financial Analyst for the Munich office. XXXXXX is a name that I long associate with social responsibility and customer focus.

I recently graduated from the University of Applied Sciences in XXXXXX with a Bachelors Degree in Business Administration. Concentrating on financial services and banking, I obtained sound standing knowledge in many areas including capital budgeting, controlling, currency and interest management, risk management, and portfolio management. My thesis, entitled "Currency Management for Countries with Restricted Currency Convertibility Using the Example of the People’s Republic of China", gave me an inside look at XX (china's economic principles?) and also developed my XX skills.

During my internship at XXXXXX in HR-Reporting and Personnel Controlling, I conducted weekly and monthly analyses of various HR operating figures including the analysis of target and actual personnel costs. In addition, I played an active role in the preparation of monthly management reports and budgets.
I agree with other posters that a tie-in to what they are looking for specifically in this position is great. Use key words from the job description or company motto.

Good luck, let us know how it works out for you!
Jun 13, 2011, 12:59pm   #11
Sternchen's Avatar
Thread Starter
Sternchen
Member
Thanks Laurie!

I took the weekend off from applications and today is a holiday. Will start working on it again tomorrow.
POST A REPLY
  HOME > >  
TOP

Thread Tools