Originally Posted by bnjj

I used to work in head office of a bank and one VP was known throughout the company as "The Dragon Lady". I was never in her department but had a lot of (far too much for my liking) contact with her. She was an absolute tyrant and nothing was done about it for a few years. A new president came in and she got the boot not too long after. The new president and the EVP of HR conducted interviews with several people she had frequent contact with and when they met with her to discuss things, she was completely in shock. She was astounded that people saw her that way. Talk about zero self awareness.

i think this is how my boss is/was. she's not as much of a tyrant as she used to be (probably all those yearly bad reviews we kept giving her). but i know for a fact she has NO idea how she comes across. no idea.
she actually told me in my review that she has NEVER been really upset with any of us. her tone of voice would say otherwise.... but she says that if she's really upset then she starts to cry because she's a crier.

last year we had a toxic employee that was spreading stuff around. stuff to us about our boss and stuff to our boss about us (she was #2 in the company - small staff). i can hear into my boss' office through my walls because there is an opening where the walls meet. one time i heard her on the phone to a board member, basically whining because she was told that one of my co-workers hated her. and she was just in shock and awe that one of her staff people hated her. but we were all on the verge of a 'hate' towards her. because she was a huge biotch for a few years.

i set her straight after that toxic employee left. told her it wasn't true and that person never said she hated her.

she's much better now.. although she still has her moments with one co-worker (who screws up all the time so it's pretty valid) but she calms down a lot faster and is able to laugh off a large majority of stuff instead of getting upset for no reason.

I find it interesting that a lot of the posts of absolute hatred for a boss reference a female boss. I've had one or two female bosses who were quite awful to work for, but quite a few who were nicer or equal to the men who were bosses ... and were judged very, very harshly but other women (for daring to act "above them" - like a boss), and by men (for not being soft, giggly little ladies and making demands and holding them to standards).

Having been responsible for staff and junior attorneys, walking the line of responsibility for others results and maintaining enough respect to be able to demand their involvement ... while still being sweet enough not to upset anyone ... can be almost impossible.

I've never had a female boss chuck an alligator head at me while screaming ephithets for something a client did ... nor have I had a female boss get wasted and tell me that she only hired me to boff me and would like me to "get on that pronto." But knowing I can't get a margin of slack by showing up in a striking skirt-suit can be a bit intimidating at times, I'll admit.

I've had male bosses I've hated but not because they were tyrants. Most days I'm hating my current boss (male).

I've never had a female boss (though I've had only 2) yell at me or be tyranical either but for many reasons I much prefer to work for and with men. I did have one lovely female boss who was only with my company temporarily. When she left, I left.

I would let him cool down...then discuss things in a civil manner later.

I would quit and i have... have a look at at thread I recently made. It really affects your confidence to put up with it even if its for a short time.

I hate to see bosses act this way. Completely and utterly unprofessional. Honestly, there is no way to reason with them. At all. Ive been in a couple of situations where a higher-up had been quite insulting. The worst I think was a higher-up who started screaming at me in front of other staff members AND in front of customers over something stupid. Mostly because she was "having a bad day." I even had staff members later tell me how disgusting that person was acting.

Later I took her aside and said in a very low tone: "I want to speak with you about your outburst earlier. I just want to say that I dont appreciate being spoken to like that in front of other staff members, its very degrading but most of all in front of other customers. It looks very unprofessional. I think it would be better handled if you took me aside and spoke to me that way."

Most of the time you can tell for a second that they are embarassed by their actions. Especially when they see you are being the mature one and they are acting right out horrendous. HOWEVER, in my experience, 99.9% of the time they will not admit fault and they will strike back to your "rediculous" theory because there is no reasoning with an unreasonable person. This sort of treatment causes me to walk away from a job. I will not ever be spoken to or disrespected in this manner. EVER. I have more class, dignity and self respect than that.

There are times when you can complain to an even higher up. But usually I dont bother. If they are even allowing such a person to be employed in their company, it speaks miles for what sort of company they have.

Granted, there are employers who do have their bad days, who do act unprofessioanly but not always.. it really depends on the situation. But if you cant handle your stress levels and control yourself, you clearly are not fit for the job. This coming from someone with years of managarial experience, not everyone is cut out for it. In the end they're just making it worse for themselves and its their loss and their companies loss to lose valuable employees and have high turn-over rates.

If your boss is yelling, screaming or abusing all the workers on regular basis, then it's a thing to be taken seriously. You should report to the HR department. If he is targeting any particular person, then may be there are some issues that need to be sorted out between the two of them.
It's annoying when you have a senior who is always yelling. This pollutes the whole work place environment.

Originally Posted by Kraut

Just an update, I just found out that he and his wife have separated a few months ago, which is when I started noticing the behavior. She lives in Germany and he's here, they have an 8 year old, and just built a house together before he moved here to fulfill his 3 year contract (which he has now extended). That can't be easy. Still don't love him, but now understanding why the short fuse.

Maybe his short fuse is why she left him

Originally Posted by fatefullotus

ETA: Always, however, regardless of where you work or what is thrown at you, remain the consummate professional. Throwing your own tantrum by walking off the job or telling someone off in the heat of the moment, while intensely satisfying momentarily, will reflect poorly on you professionally in the long run.

I remain professional when dealing with the bully in my school, but I never got around to confronting the person afterwards. It got worse, and I had anxiety issues for a while before I realised I was being bullied.


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Colleagues have told me that the bully has a history of doing such things, and the principal in my school even said she has a "good heart". I don't see the "good heart" at all, and the bullying is not just a one-off thing.

I have had a good working experience with people since I started working part-time 10 years ago. She has past problems with other staff. I used to blame myself for not being able to accept the way she does things, but now it's just her being unreasonable and not willing to admit she is wrong.

The school forcing a new teacher (me) on someone with previously-known attitude problem (the bully) is... irresponsible and a bully onto themselves. I had anxiety issues, not from the work itself, but from interacting with the bully. I sunk into near-depression and I never even realised it, nor the problem until I have decided to leave.

Just want to say that if you are really being bullied, you are NOT the problem. The bully is the problem, especially if it is a recurring one. There would be a million and one people telling you to "bear with it", but it will never solve anything.

i'm not proud of it, but i yelled at my boss last week, in a very public setting. she yelled first, i yelled back. oddly enough when we talked about it later she didn't even see that as me being upset or even inappropriate that we were yelling at each other at work function in front of people.

I used to have a boss that was a little napoleon and a misgynist that did NOT like it when I, a female, questioned anything he said. Which made working difficult when he constantly changed his mind about my tasks and I had to ask a lot of questions to confirm I was doing things to his liking. He is of a different background and I think it was his country's culture that women just do what they're told and shut up.

One day he yelled at me for clarifying something he once again changed his mind on and he took it as disprespect and I just went to his office and told him good luck in his business venture and finding a replacement. It was such a sense of relief the minute I walked out the doors! I think I was actually smiling! I got unemployment and a couple months later found an amazing job where I am respected and I have a much more professional and enjoyable work environment!

It depends on the situation, if the problem was a one time thing or ongoing, and how much I was enjoying the job.

for instance, I really like both of my current jobs and have never had anyone yell at me.
I couldn't see a manager doing this because everyone is cool where I work.

If it happened I would probably brush it off..of course I don't like being yelled at but I wouldn't put my enjoyment of the job and income on the line over someone having a bad day once.

If if were ongoing, and especially at a job I didn't like, I wouldn't hesitate to yell back.

Well, I had paperwork thrown at me by a boss once. We didn't really get along, but I did my job well and the people who mattered knew that. I remember telling my boss to never throw things at me again, and she mumbled something under her breath. I did report the paper throwing, among her general attitude, but nothing ever came of it unfortunately.

I've since had other jobs since then, and have never been yelled at (or had something thrown at me), but the best thing you can do is remain calm (cry in the bathroom! Lol), then report the incident to someone who can handle it.

Add me to the list of I'd yell back. Maybe not raise my voice, but I'd rather be chained up in hell before I get belittled by ANYONE. I make my point. After I said my piece, I'd be in the HR office. If they didn't help, I'd quit, and you better believe I'd make a strong case to the unemployment office if they tried to fight it.

I had a witchy manager when I was a SA... and she really turned her claws into me because I was the only one who didn't take her cr@p. I wound up quitting, but not before I heard that I made her cry in her office (twice), and she was back in the gym (she was fishing for compliments and I just agreed with her instead of coddling her... "Oh this jacket looks horrible, I've gained so much weight!" my response - "Yeah, I know how you feel! You can really tell with that on.")

Originally Posted by Jennifer_C

I've been yelled at many times because my boss was a hot-head. I was brought to tears once in a meeting with my staff and had to flee to sob in the bathroom. It sucked. I dealt with it. I've learned some coping skills over the years. I don't engage anymore when it reaches that level. If my staff (or coworkers, sometimes) are in the room now I kick them out before it gets heated if I can. If we're alone I tell my boss I can't continue the meeting with the hostility so I'm leaving but I'll discuss [the issue] again when he's ready. And I leave. Sometimes to screams behind me. But that doesn't bother me now. Honestly, how you should react kind of depends upon the situation and your relationship with your boss and how replaceable you are. That said, you should never take straight out abuse - let me say that clearly.

It appears your boss was adult enough to come to his senses eventually when you remained calm.

I had only one hellish boss in my working life, and I'll be ready to retire in a few years, so do have a few decades of experience in the job environment.

Anyway, this person was also the owner of the company. For no discernible reason, he would fly into rages, roar and scream obscenities. He worked from home most of the time, but was able to monitor us thanks to cameras (we did work for the U.N. at that time, and he said the cameras were mandated for that reason - which I doubt).

Boss would show up, always unexpectedly, and one could feel the atmosphere fill with dread as employees tip-toed around. At times it seemed he was looking for a reason to get angry and then, watch out.

The first time he yelled at me and called me a stupid a$$hole in front of the entire crew, I stayed calm, went to my desk, turned off the computer, got my purse and told him good-bye. Never went back. There was deafening silence as I walked out.

I was very, very fortunate to find another job in the same field again in short order, especially being in my mid-fifties at that time. But thankfully, in my field people "know" one another. Otherwise, I may not have had to luxury to simply walk out, needing a paycheck.