About a year ago, a new guy started at my work. He's a part-timer there (he has a 2nd job, too). Since he's there so little and I'm generally really busy, we didn't get introduced until a couple of months ago. We talked for a few minutes, then parted ways. Lunchtime rolled around, and he asked if I wanted to join him. I said yes, and it started out well, just really friendly and getting to know general info about one another. Then, the conversation turned. He piled on the compliments, telling me he thought I was pretty and that he'd been noticing me for a while. He admitted that he would even watch me walk from my car into my office. He even quoted a really mushy line from a rom-com to me to make it a point to tell me how he thought I looked. I was flattered, I admit, but a little uncomfortable and tried to brush it off.

Then he asked me if I'm seeing anyone. I said no. Then I ask him if he is. At this point, I'm thinking he isn't seeing anyone. Guys who would say the same kind of thing to me later declared they were interested in dating. Anyway, he says yes. He has a live-in gf. She's been with him for 10 years!

The next time I see him the following week, he's being very playful and flirty again. I brush him off. I'm trying really hard to ignore him to see if he gets the hint. On the days he's scheduled to be there, I park my car in the farther lot, opposite where he parks and enter the building in a roundabout way, not the way that I usually take, which passes right by his office. I say hello and pretty much nothing else. I think it works, and it seems to for a while.

Except now, he's starting to pop into my office often and is now getting friendlier with my boss. He's starting up conversations with me again, teasing and stuff. My boss had always seemed to be very fond of him (flirty even--he's a good-looking guy a couple of decades younger than her, if that makes any difference), and since he is also in a higher position than both me and her, she's extra-friendly. I wrote about this in other posts, but my boss and I don't have a friendly relationship at all. She's been abusive to me and other employees, and I do find myself worrying about what she'll do to me. For this reason, I can't just confront him and tell him to stop.

Have you got a HR Department? If so go and speak to them, they may ask you to put something in writing if you want them to do something about it (we would) but it also flags this person in their mind in case anybody else has complained/might complain.

You don't have to tell your boss - companies should have a grievance procedure in place where employees don't necessarily have to speak to their immediate manager as a first point.

Good luck getting this resolved, this guy sounds like he's making you uncomfortable and there is no reason for that at all in the workplace.

I would not get HR involved at this point. You have not yet told him that he is making you uncomfortable. It should not be difficult to tell him that since he has been in a relationship for 10 years, you are not comfortable with his flirting.

The 'watching from the car' bit sounds creepy. Regardless of the relationship with your own boss, one's own comfort & safety usurps that.

Do as much as you can to ignore to him; if he goes too far, do tell him to buzz off. If that doesn't work, then go to HR. The guy may just lack knowledge of boundaries, but it's not worth the risk.

Originally Posted by bnjj

I would not get HR involved at this point. You have not yet told him that he is making you uncomfortable. It should not be difficult to tell him that since he has been in a relationship for 10 years, you are not comfortable with his flirting.

Right, he should get one chance to stop, you have to tell him to stop. Next stop, HR. Then tell him youre gonna follow him home and speak to the gf. Ok, jk on that

Originally Posted by pr1nc355

he admitted that he would even watch me walk from my car into my office.

Creeper!!! I definitely think that you should talk to him about how they way he is acting is making you uncomfortable. Clearly explain to him that you are not interested in being with him. If he doesn't listen and continues to act like this, then I think you need to tell your boss.