I ask because i find that when you start going out to lunch with others so much drama happens! For example, one of my coworkers has been asking me out for lunch everyday. One day i just wasnt feeling it and decided to go by myself instead and i let her know and she had invited someone else without telling me. I said that I had to do personal stuff instead now shes mad!! I just have to laugh because its my lunch so i can do whatever i want.

Thoughts? Comments? How do you spend your lunch?

If you let her know you were going to lunch alone, how could she have invited someone else? She has no right to be "mad" and if she puts that much importance on dictating how you spend your lunch you need to avoid lunching with her.

I eat lunch at my desk 90% of the time, but I have great relationships with my co-workers because I work at it in other ways. Lunch is your time, you can spend it how you want.

Originally Posted by Midge S

If you let her know you were going to lunch alone, how could she have invited someone else? She has no right to be "mad" and if she puts that much importance on dictating how you spend your lunch you need to avoid lunching with her. I eat lunch at my desk 90% of the time, but I have great relationships with my co-workers because I work at it in other ways. Lunch is your time, you can spend it how you want.

Technically she invited someone and she just assumed that we were going out for lunch together just like any other day. But if i feel like changing my plans i totally agree with you and i should maybe avoid her.

She shouldn't be mad at your for not eating lunch with her. Maybe it's that leftover fear from middle school that she doesn't want to eat alone. I wouldn't avoid her completely, but I'd stop eating with her everyday. If you only eat lunch with her once a week she'll probably find someone else to attach to.

At my work we have a cafeteria where many of my friends eat. We have a usual time and area to sit so we eat with the group or not as our schedules allow.

it's always better to not have any kind of friendship at work...it's just awkward sometimes. but having friends at work makes the day go so much faster...there's always a flip side.
i am working at a new place...so many new faces. no one invite me to lunch so i either eat at my desk or go out to eat. i like it this way...i've learned after working many years, work is a place to be professional.....i can always meet my friends after work.

and your coworker, i think her feeling was hurt. you can either talk to her that you like to have lunch alone sometime. but situation like that...leave it alone may be a better choice.

^ I totally agree with juneping, I have the same rule I keep things with co-workers very professional. The only time I join them for lunch is when its a whole office thing.
I have seen many issues between people in my previous jobs over similar things.
I usually eat at my desk as I am too busy to step out and traffic here is crazy during lunch break, sometimes I do eat out with my friends (not from work)

Im glad to hear that other people have sort of experienced the same thing! Theres a few other office cases ive heard where some people complained to their coworkers managers that they havent been inviting them for lunch. How rude and sad! Lunch is your only real break and there should be no rules on what you should be doing.

Like its soooo high school / middle school (or even worse!). You think its nice to spend time with "friends" but when it turns to situations like this, its so not worth it!

Originally Posted by oh_hai

Im glad to hear that other people have sort of experienced the same thing! Theres a few other office cases ive heard where some people complained to their coworkers managers that they havent been inviting them for lunch. How rude and sad! Lunch is your only real break and there should be no rules on what you should be doing. Like its soooo high school / middle school (or even worse!). You think its nice to spend time with "friends" but when it turns to situations like this, its so not worth it!

this is a gross oversimplification. office life is nothing like high school life. at work, especially in work places where there is very little job security (like UN workers who only get hired by the project but are not permanent staff), the office politics can get pretty crazy. people can lose their chance to get their contracts renewed, etc. and it's always the little things like lunch/who gets excluded from a group email that are used as weapons in office politics. sometimes it doesn't matter because lunch is just lunch, but a lot of the time it's a way of saying "you're not one of us." many things are discussed informally over lunch. it's seriously unfair to assume that it's "your only real break" in all cases/like it applies to everyone. it's not.

in my case, being ostracized as an intern started with being excluded from lunches. they used it as a form of bullying where this woman would invite EVERYONE in the office right in front of me (in addition to excluding me from information i needed to perform my job and ignoring all my attempts at communication). in the end it cost me the job that was offered to me after the internship.

you really CAN NOT draw the "high school" metaphor. it doesn't work, because back in highschool, if you weren't one of the "cool kids", it didn't cost you your livelihood. i think it's naive to compare the two.

My current job is field-based, so I am mainly alone at lunchtime. When I worked in retail I made a point of disappearing into a corner with a book - I worked in quite a gossipy department and wanted no part of the dramas going on.

Although I sometimes do eat lunch with my coworkers, I also enjoy eating lunch by myself while reading a book, or even going to the gym.

I just feel like, we already work together for 8 days a day, I really do need an hour away from 1) work, and 2) people that are work-related!

1wallflower - i agree with your comments. I tend to have lunch alone at my desk. I just like to switch off during lunch breaks. I am friendly with my colleagues and we have a laugh but it doesn't mean i want to spend 1 hour of lunch with them 5 days a week.

I need my space LOL

I agree that lunch should be your time to do with as you wish, but if you have an established routine with a coworker of going every day, it may be polite to give her a heads up when you won't be going. I'm certainly not saying you owe it to her, but she could have taken it personally even though you didn't mean it that way because she perceived it as a sudden change.

Originally Posted by peppersasen

in my case, being ostracized as an intern started with being excluded from lunches. they used it as a form of bullying where this woman would invite EVERYONE in the office right in front of me (in addition to excluding me from information i needed to perform my job and ignoring all my attempts at communication). in the end it cost me the job that was offered to me after the internship. you really CAN NOT draw the "high school" metaphor. it doesn't work, because back in highschool, if you weren't one of the "cool kids", it didn't cost you your livelihood. i think it's naive to compare the two.

This is crazy! What an awful situation. They offered you a job then rescinded the offer because you didn't go to lunch? I agree that it is much more of a working lunch in some offices than others. Would it have been possible to join in anyway? Like ask someone you were friends with if you could go to lunch with the group? Even though it was one woman inviting everyone, I can't see how she could have stopped you from tagging along. That is completely rude though, rest easy knowing that her dirty politics will catch up with her at some point.

I spend my lunch alone and at my desk. I know that it's not good to eat at your desk but I feel really stupid going down to the cafeteria alone... and we're not allowed to bring food from home into the cafeteria. That's dumb. The food down there is expensive.

Occasionally i go to lunch with a girl I went to college with. She doesn't work in the same bank as me, so it's nice to be able to get away for an hour. Too bad that the hour goes by way too fast!

i sit at my desk most days. we only get a half hour and i find that when i sit at my desk i can spread it out longer (ie pretend like i'm still working while i'm eating).
occasionally a co-worker and i will run to a restaurant quick to pick up fast food, if we want to go to the same place.
we normally don't go out together because there's 3 of us and one of us has to stay here so then you feel like someone is getting left out.

the other day my co-worker and i went to lunch together, a nice sit down lunch and it was great. our boss was gone and the 3rd co-worker wasn't here and one of the guys was here to watch the office while we were here.

at my job before this it was more of a factory setting where people took lunch all at the same time. so then you almost always had someone to eat with.

if someone expected me to go somewhere every day that would be annoying. i don't mind company at lunch time though.

I either eat lunch at my desk or in my car, and always alone.