I've had two serious jobs since I earned my degree. The first job I didn't like because it just seemed like everyone was out to get each other in order to get noticed by managers and there was a lot of back stabbing so that they would look good. I moved on to another job and have been here for 6 years. Now that I've been there longer my boss always tells me I need to argue back in meetings. I've seen how they argue - they throw low blows, blame other departments for mistakes, raise their voices at each other, etc. I even have a colleague in my dept that will bring up things during meetings to make himself look good at the expense of others in my dept including myself. My boss tells me only I need to act like this to get noticed and promoted but I told her I didn't want to build my success like that. What happened to having a successful career because you are intelligent, have the skills to do your job well and being a team player. Am I just being naive? Is my boss right and only if I act like that will I be successful. It makes me sad because I do want to have a great career but not at the expense of my character. I wasn't raised like that and really wouldn't be proud of any of my successes if that's how they were achieved.

No - your boss sounds like a nightmare. I can never understand why companies allow their employees to behave like this. I've always thought you get far more from people if you respect them, listen to them and work with them.
Bullying people is not my idea of success.
If I was in your position, I'd be looking for a way out. There are a lot of companies out there that will allow you to progress without it costing you your values and integrity. Good luck - things will get better!

i know everyone wants the workplace to be a meritocracy and i hate to say this, but you ignore office politics and office dynamics at your peril. i am not saying you must play dirty to advance, however, if your office has a confrontational style, then you must adjust your style accordingly. you do not need to throw low blows, but if they start attacking you or your position, you should defend your position right there and then - do not take any crap sitting down or silently or wait until later to tell your side of the story. there are ways to do that without resorting to low blows and other dirty pool techniques you say your colleagues use: being direct, factual, and dealing only with what is at the table (don't bring up things that happened in the past that are not relevant) are effective ways.

if this is seriously hard to do for you and you feel like you're signing a contract with the devil, then i suggest looking for a job at another company whose values (re: employee conduct) are like your own. unfortunately, i have found that the "pleasant" companies have even choppier political waters because all of the stabbing is targeted at your back and happens behind the scenes. they may be pleasant to you in your face at meetings but who knows how they talk about you one-on-one with the boss?

like you, i'd rather work at a place where everyone does a great job and is completely up and up. but if i were to be on the receiving end of slings and arrows, i'd rather it be coming in front of me so i can duck.

Originally Posted by jomar_luvs_bags

I've had two serious jobs since I earned my degree. The first job I didn't like because it just seemed like everyone was out to get each other in order to get noticed by managers and there was a lot of back stabbing so that they would look good. I moved on to another job and have been here for 6 years. Now that I've been there longer my boss always tells me I need to argue back in meetings. I've seen how they argue - they throw low blows, blame other departments for mistakes, raise their voices at each other, etc. I even have a colleague in my dept that will bring up things during meetings to make himself look good at the expense of others in my dept including myself. My boss tells me only I need to act like this to get noticed and promoted but I told her I didn't want to build my success like that. What happened to having a successful career because you are intelligent, have the skills to do your job well and being a team player. Am I just being naive? Is my boss right and only if I act like that will I be successful. It makes me sad because I do want to have a great career but not at the expense of my character. I wasn't raised like that and really wouldn't be proud of any of my successes if that's how they were achieved.

Originally Posted by jomar_luvs_bags

I've had two serious jobs since I earned my degree. The first job I didn't like because it just seemed like everyone was out to get each other in order to get noticed by managers and there was a lot of back stabbing so that they would look good. I moved on to another job and have been here for 6 years. Now that I've been there longer my boss always tells me I need to argue back in meetings. I've seen how they argue - they throw low blows, blame other departments for mistakes, raise their voices at each other, etc. I even have a colleague in my dept that will bring up things during meetings to make himself look good at the expense of others in my dept including myself. My boss tells me only I need to act like this to get noticed and promoted but I told her I didn't want to build my success like that. What happened to having a successful career because you are intelligent, have the skills to do your job well and being a team player. Am I just being naive? Is my boss right and only if I act like that will I be successful. It makes me sad because I do want to have a great career but not at the expense of my character. I wasn't raised like that and really wouldn't be proud of any of my successes if that's how they were achieved.

Every office is different but as another poster stated, you can't ignore your office's politics and culture AND expect to get ahead. In my office it is totally different - it is the "yes" men/women that get ahead (being a good worker gets you nothing). In a lot of places it is not who work's the hardest but who has the perception of being the person that works the hardest.

Welcome to the working world.

OP - no its not at all. In the short time you've been employed, it might look that way.
I'm 55 & have been working since I was 14. It always catches up with them eventually.
So does cheating the employees, operating with no morals, ethics or integrity.

I'm with apey_grapey-there is a difference between defending yourself and stooping to their level. You absolutely shouldn't have to stoop to their level if you aren't comfortable doing so, but at least show them that you aren't going to sit back and let them attack you like that. In fact, you'll probably get MORE respect from showing that you are strong but planning on taking the high rode than if you just flung insults back at them.

For your next job, you should definitely ask more questions about the company culture, how people get along, the team dynamic, etc. Of course people won't usually straight up tell you if your team is going to be aggressive, but you can usually pick up little hints that could wave enough red flags.

OP - can I ask what industry you are in?

I agree with the posters above that this is not the behavior of a healthy company, it's the behavior of one that will eventually implode. (Enron anyone? This sounds like a meeting that could have happened there.) your manager should be encouraging healthy debate, and stepping on anyone who uses the meeting as an opportunity to denigrate others.

I will say this though - I do not believe this job is worth holding on too. So the next time someone publicly tries to pull you down so they can look better, don't hold back. Be professional, but let them know just how wrong they are.

Originally Posted by Midge S

OP - can I ask what industry you are in? I agree with the posters above that this is not the behavior of a healthy company, it's the behavior of one that will eventually implode. (Enron anyone? This sounds like a meeting that could have happened there.) your manager should be encouraging healthy debate, and stepping on anyone who uses the meeting as an opportunity to denigrate others. I will say this though - I do not believe this job is worth holding on too. So the next time someone publicly tries to pull you down so they can look better, don't hold back. Be professional, but let them know just how wrong they are.

I am a chemical engineer in a manufacturing plant. I do defend myself but I just can't get all worked up and lose my temper doing it.

^^good!

I do not know what area of the country you are in, but as someone who works in the chemical manufacturing industry too I know that chemical engineers are in demand. I;m sure you can find a job with an environment that better suits you!

i agree half and half with both sides that were presented so far.

working hard DOES get you somewhere but that depends on luck (because there are upper management that notices or will ask your supervisor and coworkers, but then again..)

and, there needs to be some sort of 'backstabbing'. i wouldn't look at it like that, rather, you are saying you can do it better and giving your peers constructive criticism. had it been you, you would have done it x, y and z rather then __________________

as for when sh*t goes down and throwing people under the bus, a good supervisor should be able to tell BS from factual but, this is self preservation.

if everyone performed the same, does the same, it would be very boring. when there is friendly competition (business not personal, thats what i mean by friendly..doesn't necessarily mean you're friendly)

it pushes us to do better. it allows room for innovation, creative ways to approach something.

That's why I got out of sales.

Originally Posted by clevercat

No - your boss sounds like a nightmare. I can never understand why companies allow their employees to behave like this. I've always thought you get far more from people if you respect them, listen to them and work with them. Bullying people is not my idea of success. If I was in your position, I'd be looking for a way out. There are a lot of companies out there that will allow you to progress without it costing you your values and integrity. Good luck - things will get better!

Exactly!

Originally Posted by apey_grapey

i know everyone wants the workplace to be a meritocracy and i hate to say this, but you ignore office politics and office dynamics at your peril. i am not saying you must play dirty to advance, however, if your office has a confrontational style, then you must adjust your style accordingly. you do not need to throw low blows, but if they start attacking you or your position, you should defend your position right there and then - do not take any crap sitting down or silently or wait until later to tell your side of the story. there are ways to do that without resorting to low blows and other dirty pool techniques you say your colleagues use: being direct, factual, and dealing only with what is at the table (don't bring up things that happened in the past that are not relevant) are effective ways. if this is seriously hard to do for you and you feel like you're signing a contract with the devil, then i suggest looking for a job at another company whose values (re: employee conduct) are like your own. unfortunately, i have found that the "pleasant" companies have even choppier political waters because all of the stabbing is targeted at your back and happens behind the scenes. they may be pleasant to you in your face at meetings but who knows how they talk about you one-on-one with the boss? like you, i'd rather work at a place where everyone does a great job and is completely up and up. but if i were to be on the receiving end of slings and arrows, i'd rather it be coming in front of me so i can duck.

OP they won't respect you until you throw a few darts their way just do it with tact.

I think this really depends on where you work, the industry, company and the office politics involved. I work in the financial industry in NYC and people here can be vicious and confrontational. While there are backstabbers out there, we certainly don't need to stoop to that level and we also don't need to lose our tempers. But to succeed where I work, we definitely need to have the ability to push back on clients who are asking for too much, stand up for our beliefs, be able to argue and defend our work as well as be confrontational about pointing out flaws. A lot of the time, these kind of discussions can get heated. Most people refuse to do this because they do not want to look like the "bad guy" and unfortunately for them, they do not succeed in their career.

Originally Posted by Vegas Long Legs

OP - no its not at all. In the short time you've been employed, it might look that way. I'm 55 & have been working since I was 14. It always catches up with them eventually. So does cheating the employees, operating with no morals, ethics or integrity.

I have yet to see it....i've been in the work force for over 10 years.....