Today, I’d like to switch bases a bit to talk to you about the greatest scourge threatening America today: Zombies. Thought The Walking Dead was just a fictional TV show, did you? I’m here to tell you that it’s not, and also that there are parts of downtown Atlanta that probably didn’t need much window-dressing to look post-apocalyptic in order to shoot the series. When you combine that with the Miami face-eater and all the barking mad wannabe-cannibals who have hit the news after him, I ask you: is this really “bath salts,” as the mainstream media would want you to believe? What does that even mean? Does that sound fake to anyone else?
You know what’s, like, at least a zillion times more likely? Zombies. We already covered that up top, pay attention! In the event of zombie apocalypse, there will be no time to reread! Anyway, it’s time to start prepping for the inevitable, but you’re not crazy like one of those people out in the woods who has managed to hoard 800 pounds of canned peas in their safe rooms (and the gross generic peas, not even Le Sueur). No, you’re a totally sane person who’s just trying to make sure that she knows where to stab a zombie (in his eye, you have to destroy the brain, duh) in case, you know, it ever comes to that. As always, though, we have some suggestions for things you should buy to prepare yourself, all of which are chic enough to use in your everyday life until the zombies start arriving in earnest. You wouldn’t want your friends and neighbors to suspect you’re prepared; after all, those ingrates will just try to steal your stuff and leave you for dead when it’s go time.
Obviously, the first thing you should think about is a bag. Not only is it our primary focus in these parts, but it’s necessary in order to keep all of your gear with you. This is a rare situation in which we’ll advise against leather – it’s heavy, it doesn’t do well in the elements, it’s not as versatile as nylon. Something like the Marc by Marc Jacobs Pretty Nylon Knapsack won’t necessarily give you water resistance, but it’ll do in a pinch. And don’t worry about the color – zombies are attracted by the smell of your sweet, sweet brains, not by sight. $198 via ShopBop.